The Adventures of Slag Boy

New Post on Old Blog

2011-06-24T17:40:00.002-05:00

Well, it occurred to me that I could write a book. And so, I am trying to get my blog downloaded and backed up. As a result... I think I might need to make an entry! If you know what i mean!

Didn't show up again

2010-08-09T04:32:00.002-05:00

Once again I was reminded how lucky I am to be divorced.

Not only did he NOT show up on Saturday, but he blamed me. He claims my text message which read "Hair cut at 2:30, are you taking them shopping?" meant that he should come on Sunday instead of the scheduled Saturday. Of course, it was my fault. I said, "Did you read the text message, it was just telling you about the hair cut?" He said, "Well, you should have been more clear"

Then he said he was coming at 8:30, but didn't show up for another hour.............

It's like talking to a puppy. Unless I use one word phrases, he doesn't understand.

He comes in and says, "So, I was thinking, why don't you come with us it will be easier to go clothes shopping"

I said, "I have things to do, if you don't want to take them clothes shopping, then I'll do it"

He said, "It's not that I don't want to, it would be easier if you were there"

I said, "Sure it would be easier, if you don't want to go then I'll take them, but I have errands to run today... "

In his defense, he gave me $200.00 to buy the kids some clothes. Yeah I know, that's barely enough for 2 outfits in todays stores... but I figure I can get some clothes for the younger ones at Target or Walmart... and take my older one shopping by herself sometime... She needs to try everything on.

So, he took the kids to the zoo... which was a great idea. They love the zoo and I love that they loce the zoo... He was trying to tell me about his "parenting moment" with one of our daughters and how she was saying things that he didn't like and he just kept fixating on the fact that she is watching shows that aren't appropriate. because she was saying "Whatever" with a tone of voice he didn't like... instead of focusing on her behavior and making sure that she doesn't like her behavior he kept asking her "where she learned that"...

Then I said, "It doesn't matter whatever she was saying as long as she understands that you don't like to hear it and there are consequences"

he said, "There you said, "whatever" she learned it from you!"

I was like, "what?" Then took a deep breath and said, "focus, stay on point, this isn't about the word she was saying (especially since it's not a bad word) it's about the fact that you didn't like how she was saying it... did you explain to her why you don't like it? Did you explain to her what you didnt' like about it? Did you tell her the consequences?

He said, "She got it from you, you said "whatever"

I just looked at him.

Arrrggghhhh, I'm so glad that we aren't married...

Teaching the kids to lie.

2010-06-13T13:37:00.003-05:00

Today was a classic, a blatant "teach the kids to lie to their mother" day.

I don't pump the kids for details. I don't need to. They like to tell me all about the fun they had.

The Hair: CEO got a gorgeous hair cut, she found a picture she liked and VMO thought she might like it too.. Soo, when they seet off on their visit with their father, they were going to go to a beauty parlor and CEO was definitely getting a cut, with VMO a definite maybe.

Upon their return:

Me: Oh, I thought you were going to get your hair cut too

VMO: I was going to but Dad said it was too expensive

Him: I never said it was too expensive.

VMO: Yes you did, you told me no, it was too expensive, then when we got back in the car you said "I don't know why you didn't get your hair cut"

..... he had no answer....... he couldn't....

but that.... Even that isn't the kicker.

And so, let me tell my tale of teaching the kids to lie

The kids were sitting at the table telling me about their day, I noticed the Burger King soda on the table, so I said, "Did you go to Burger King for lunch" they all said yes. Then I asked, "What did you eat?" My oldest said, "Grilled chicken" at the same time that my middle daughter said, "Chicken Nuggets". I looked at my oldest and she said, "OK, Dad told us ... no wait, he didn't tell us to lie, He just didn't tell us to say anything but we all got nuggets."

So, I waited

He was getting ready to go

Me: What did you guys go to lunch
Him: Ah Burger King

Me: Oh, what did they eat
Him: Grilled Chicken

Middle daughter: No Dad, we had nuggets

Him giving daughter a look: No they had grilled chicken and fries

I walked away and I heard him say something to the girls about if they want to have fast food they will have to keep the secret. So I walked back out,

Me: Nice teaching the kids to lie

Him: Did I lie? I said Chicken

Me: Look, not telling the whole truth is the same as telling a lie, especially if you intend to mislead. Nice lesson from their father.

Him: But I didn't lie did I

Me: really, you're sticking with that? You know that not telling the whole truth is just as bad a lying right? and That's the lesson for the kids today? It's ok to keep the whole truth from your mother?

Well..... I just thanked my kids for being honest enough to tell me the truth.

By the way, my oldest daughter had a very very bad afternoon... I don't know if it's a coincidence, but she was very nasty to everyone, very emotional and very moody... I'm not imagining it. She is on a much more even keel when she doesn't eat gluten.

Well Well Well.... Nice to see you again my friends

2010-05-30T11:25:00.004-05:00

As so... the 3rd summer since our divorce commences. The first summer was pretty straight forward, he didn't see the kids for 4 months after we moved and he didn't send payments until July...

In a strange turn of events... he moved up north and was only 20 minutes away for about a year. AND he got a girlfriend, then he lost his girlfriend (that was last summer.. I think)

Meanwhile, the kids and I have had a very happy existance in our new home. All the girls (so grown up now, ages almost 6, 7 9) have a lot of great friends that they see at school, after school and sometimes on the weekends.

I haven't dated. I'm not really interested... Mostly because there isn't enough time in the day to do what I have to do... let alone do anything extra.. that would involve ANOTHER human! HA HA HA That's not to say that if I met someone by chance... I wouldn't give 'em a chance... it's just to say, I'm not looking.

I have started up this old blog again for several reasons.

Over the last couple of years, my EX husband has done many things to remind me HOW HAPPY I AM WE ARE DIVORCED... and now that he has moved back to his house... there are issues AGAIN.

First, he is renting the basement out to some guy

Second, his sister and her teenage (or maybe early twenties by now) daughter are also living with him

I love his family, I don't have a problem with his family. My problem, which has been my problem since we started having kids, the influences that surround the kids.

So, I don't know the guy in the basement. When I ask my EX who he is, he gives me his name, but that name doesn't come up on a Google search. Doesn't come up on a search in the town he supposedly lived in PRIOR to living with my Ex. AND, here's the conversation.

ME: "Look, would you give me his first last name and his social security and I'll do a background check on him"

Him:" You don't need to check up on anyone in my house, I'm there the kids are safe"

Me: "You understand why I wouldn't believe you after you specifically told me that A) he wouldn't be there this weekend and B) the kids would have their own room to sleep in. I don't have a problem with the girls piling in with you, but you specifically said that there was a spare room and now I find out that you had a full house"

Him: "Well there would have been plenty of room if "insert neices name here" hadn't invited her "insert father of her soon to be born child" and his friends down"

Me: "Oh, how many people were staying over last night. You can't be everywhere, all the time and I don't think it's unreasonable for you to tell me the truth about who is staying in your house. Especially since you went out of your way to tell me that this Guy in the basement was going into the hospital on Thursday and Saturday morning you pick up the girls. Are you trying to tell me that on Saturday morning when you picked up the kids you didn't know he was still there and not in the hospital?"

Him: "I thought he was going into the hospital, It don't matter. I'm there the kids are safe, end of story"

Him: "So did youse go out and party it up? Did youse have a nice little weekend for yourself?"

Me: "Yeah I had a nice weekend, I watched some TV I went grocery shopping... I didn't go out, I stayed home and relaxed"

Me: "This isn't about me or you, it's about what's safest and best for the kids"

Him: "You want to play hardball? This is joint custody, we can play by the rules."

Me: "Great because according to the rules, you don't get overnight"

Him: "You want a battle, I'll give you a battle"

Me... I walked away.

So... Here's the summary of my conversation with him trying to find out where he met the guy that lives in the basement.

I met him on a construction job a few years ago.

SO.... I am trusting my Ex-husbands judgement in character with the future of my 3 daughters. I don't think so.

NOPE.

According to the divorce he can see the kids during the day... and that's it. He doesn't get them overnight... however, I thought I would see how it goes, but he continues to lie.

This is the second overnight, he LIED.

First overnight, my middle daughter (age almost 7) came home married with a ring and everything. There were stories that the boy she "married" wouldn't keep his shirt on and kept trying to get her to take hers off.

rrrriiiigggghhhhttttt

That trip I called several times because every time I called my middle daughter was over playing with the neighbor. When I told my Ex about the stories I was hearing he said, "Well I tried to get her to come home, but she didn't want to" THEN... when I spoke to him about it in person he said, "She was in and out, she wasn't over there that much"

rrriiiggghhhtttttttt

Anyway, that's 2 strikes, in my book.

I think I have been very nice, I allow him into my house whenever he wants. I let him visit with the kids and stay in my house. I even leave him here in my house... I have nothing to hide and I have no reason NOT to... because it's best for the kids to see their father.

The problem is... he's a liar and I can't trust him. AND they are soooo young. Something could happen in a split second that could ruin their lives, and the very least I can do as a parent is try not to let anything happen to them... How can I do that if I can't trust the person who is supposed to be taking care of them.

Do you know my middle daughter didn't want to go with him several weekends ago because she got lost at a carnival while with him... and of course, his story changed... First he said, he was across the carneval and was watching the ride for her to get off... and was waiting to see what she would do. Then he said she was never lost he was there the whole time... Then he said, it was her fault for walking away. DICK! (excuse my french)

OK, now I'm just getting myself mad.

Anyway... I'm going to have to figure out what to do... sometime soon, because he is supposedly taking them for a week in August. He doesn't have a prayer of taking them again anytime soon... as far as I'm concerned, he can either visit them here, my door is open... or not visit. Because I'm done.

New Blog... This one is finally retired.

2007-11-13T06:06:00.000-05:00

http://rosiethewonderdog.blogspot.com/

Scheduled Outrage

2007-11-06T17:46:00.000-05:00

I was just reading the Blogger notice about a scheduled outage, NOT because I was interested, but because I thought it said, Scheduled Outrage.... and I was intrigued.

It got me to thinking about outrage in general.

I can't remember the last time I was outraged. Indignant. yup. Frustrated. yup. Scary fly off the handle mad. yup. Outraged? .... it's just not coming to me.

So, I thought Scheduling some outrage would be healthy... in an effort to "get it all out" no need storing up outrage until it spills by accident. Let's get that sucker scheduled.

NOW, ..... what to be outraged about..... hhhhmmmmmm..... Oh so much... and so little time......
I think we should schedule some outrage. let's pick a topic and comment the hell out of it ... in outrage.

Honestly. Name names. Give numbers.... street addresses.... and political affiliations... perhaps we will conjure up some reciprical .... outrage.

Oops. Gotta go.
Talk to you soon
Have a great day!

5 things I'd like to be when I grow up

2007-11-04T19:42:00.000-05:00

#1) Food Critic - ok, maybe I wouldn't want to have to write about it... maybe I would just like to be... a professional eater.

#2) Wine Critic - I think I would be most prolific after a couple of bottles of wine... none of that take-a-sip-and-spit-it-out for me! I would go to the local Bottle King, pick up my choices for the week.... my choices are invariably based solely on the sale price... then proceed to drink one bottle after another. I would make notes on a pad...as critic like thoughts occur... You can depend on me!

#3) Not a crossing guard, school bus driver or Goose Patrol Guy. (Are negatives valid statements for a "things I want to be when I grow up" list?

#4) Tall

#5) Mother of three wonderful daughters, who will someday, in their own way, make an impact on the world... hopefully not in an taliban kind of way... in more of a Lucille Ball, or Martha Stewart, or Edda James kind of way! (if you knew my kids... you would knwo it's in that order)

Ahhh.... sweet success!

Have a great day!

The attrition method of clutter disposal

2007-11-04T07:33:00.000-05:00

I know I have been describing my latest method for weeding out unwanted toys... and her name is Rosie, for the last couple of months.

I thought a graphic representation of the method would hold some more impact!

My neices American Girl Baby narrowly escaped the above fate. Frankly, I'm surprised it escaped, Rosie seems to gravitate towards limbs.

I have a new rule in my house (A rule in my wildest dreams I never thought I would utter, let alone actually concieve) "No legless dolls allowed" HA HA HA HA HA That makes the transition from livingroom floor (the place of their demise) to garbage easier and without a quarrel.

As you can see, my baseball cap met with some exploration. I was called to the livingroom by my three year old who said, "Moooooommmmmm, Rosie has your hat" The term HAS actually translating into, She has started to unassemble your hat. Fortunately, this particular manifestation of her need to chew... only added alittle more flavor to the cap. My shoe did not fair so well. That was a shame. A darn shame... and my own fault for leaving them out in the living room... just inviting disaster.

Here's what I have to say... I pity, pity the squirrel that isn't fast enough or smart enough to get a good 8 feet up into the tree when I let my little nibbling power house out the back door. I believe, that all of this chewing is just practice, for when she actually catches a critter! She has 2 past times..... #1) chewing #2) watching the squirrels You do the math

OK, gotta go.

I hope you enjoyed my little Tim Burtonesque Illustration of what lies on my livingroom floor at any given hour of the day.

Have a great one!

There are bite marks

2007-10-29T15:19:00.001-05:00

on my mouse......

......Rosie.

Shopping Online

2007-10-27T07:44:00.000-05:00

This morning at 6:15am, the rain poured down and my weather.com splash screen proclaimed 57 ° with no hope for the rain to let up. I packed up the kids and three Dora the Explorer umbrellas and we trudged off to the Quick Chek. Under the guise of needing a gallon of milk, I was able to get myself some of the life sustaining elixir we call: Coffee.

Once safely ensconced in our silver Ford Windstar, with heat blasting, I considering venturing to the 24/7 Pathmark, because shopping at the crack of dawn is the only way to go with three kids under the age of 7. Why? Well, my friend the store is empty. Shopping with three little kids is like driving down Route 80 during rush hour in a car that won’t go over 50 miles per hour. AND it doesn’t matter if you stick to the slow lane, there are always other people in a rush, or you get stuck behind the 95 year old jalopy that is going even slower…

So, I really really needed to go food shopping. Yesterday I discovered that I was out of bread. That one was a shocker and completely snuck up on me, as it seemed like I had just bought 5 loafs of bread, but I guess when you are using 6 slices a day, it goes quick. UNLESS, there is a bread thief… hhhmmmmmm so, my cupboard being of the bare variety, I needed to make it of the full variety and soon.

On the one hand, dawn is a great time to shop, on the other it was still dark, pouring rain and I just didn’t think I could manage holding three hands, three umbrellas and pushing a shopping cart out to the car in the torrential downpour.

So, like I said, we went to the Quick Chek and the local bakery (same strip mall) and then we headed home. Which brings me to the topic for today’s missive: Shopping for Groceries online with delivery!

Shopping for Groceries Online

What you may not realize about this service is that you can schedule the delivery of our groceries for a convenient day and time! Once you complete your order, a calendar with time slots comes up and you pick the day and time that you will be home to receive your stuff! It’s great!

The first time I ordered, it took a while for me to understand how the website was set up. It seems that most websites are setup similar to stores, with aisles and then sections, like Breads, and Dairy. They also have searches if you want a specific item.

The coupon section is fantastic. AND you can opt to accept substitutions or not. If you choose not to have items substituted, then you will simple NOT get that item.

I’m not sure, but from what I can see… the order is handed to someone or a group of people and they put your order together. So, if something isn’t in… or they can’t find it… you don’t get it. AND you don’t necessarily know until you get your order. ShopRite actually called me about something and said that they were out of one flavor and asked me if I would like a different flavor, which I accepted. So, it depends on your local store.

You have to read the fine print, some store don’t charge at all for this service, some stores charge as much as $15.00. (AND, sometimes it’s worth the $15.00 when you think about having to take three children to the supermarket, in the rain or snow…. )

All in All… I would definitely suggest looking into ordering your groceries online. AND in case you aren’t interested in delivery, or it’s not offered in your area… You can still order online, then just go pick it up. That’s also handy; you just put in the order, schedule when you will pick up.. And they bring it out to you.

Here are the grocery stores I have used:
Super Stop and Shop: http://www.peapod.com/ they have a big truck deliver, and I think the fee is based on the amount that you spend. The first time I ordered and spent $200.00, I got charged $6.00, the second time I only spent $100.00 and the fee was $11.00. Produce was fresh. Everything was great!

ShopRite: http://www.shoprite.com/ My shoprite has a standard fee of $15.00, $5.00 for something and I think $10.00 for delivery. My orders have been fine, except the apples and bananas weren’t necessarily the ones I would have picked. AND I ordered Mums because they were on sale, and they must have had a competition to pick the sorriest three for delivery… because these bedraggled beauties wouldn’t have gone home with anyone else! Other than that, their online coupons and sale items were awesome.

Here are some other store that may offer delivery in your area, but not mine.

http://www.acmemarkets.com/ Follow this link to access Acme Markets or Albertsons Markets

http://shop.safeway.com/ No Safeways near me… but I think this is a grocery store and they deliver

http://www.freshdirect.com/ – I’ve never used this service, but it looks groceries and I believe there is a standard delivery fee.

Here are some other things you can take care of on-line

PIZZA – Dominoes http://www.dominos.com/home/index.jsp Not only can you order online, but there are coupons that are only available to the online customers…. AND, you don’t have to pay online. You can place the order and pay the delivery guy when he shows up. That’s a bonus.

Coming up next: The low down on the Anti-Aging Cream and Wrinkle Correctors….

Have a great day!

OH... the side kick

2007-10-25T06:45:00.000-05:00

Did I mention that the super hero BOOGER GIRL, also has her faithful super hero side kick dog-- Rosie, the amazing dog that can eat through anything!

Faster than a speeding bullet
Able to catch squirrels in mid-leap to the safety of their tree.... ROSIE the super dog can eat through a train set in 5 second flat.

Latest Super Hero

2007-10-24T17:08:00.000-05:00

Stronger than a puffs plus with lotion
Able to scale huge buildings with a single sneeze
It's Booger Girl!
Sneezing her extra strength rope-like boogers, she swings from building to building.... Look out bad guys... She'll get you with her atomic strength mucus!

OK, maybe that's a little over the top..

but I gotta tell you, this kid could use her snot for a shoe lace if she could just stop ..... eating it!

Oh, I'm sorry... are you trying to eat your breakfast? M. Colkins? Did I make you spit out your coffee again?

The kids are feeling better today
I returned to work after working from home with the sickies....
I brought the youngest two to preschool... and gifted the school several new boxes of puffs plus with lotion... because... my kids need it

Have a great day!

Pumpkin Seeds and other Inspirational recipes

2007-10-23T17:49:00.000-05:00

I thought if you actually saw... another episode of My Friends Cook.com you would be inspired to submit your own recipe...

So, here is
The O'Neill Girls Bake Pumpkin Seeds

new recipe up...

2007-10-21T05:54:00.000-05:00

Since I Na of CA and I are struggling in getting the sangria video shared, I've posted me and the kids baking pumpkin seeds this weekend... (Yes we went pumpkin picking... )
There seems to be a problem with my video card driver or perhaps the card itself... but my graphics didn't show up.. so I couldnt edit in any smooth transitions... It's a little "raw"

AND PLEASE NOTE: The dishes are no longer in the sink waiting for the dish washer. I ahve a strict rule about only running the dish washer once a day! M Colkins stopped over and I filled the dishwasher while she was here.... and I then filled up the sink with more stuff... while she was here as well.

Enjoy... and remember.
My Friends Cook... So I don't have to.

HA HA HA HA AH AH AH

Although, it doesn't seem to be working out that way! Come one guys... send me some videos!

If you have a video you want me to post, you can attach it to an email to info@myfriendcooks.com

And I will upload it to the website!

It's easy peasy lemon squeezy!

have a great day!

Believe it or not... I make too much money

2007-10-18T04:57:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note, because I'm not complaining.... Just explaining.

Slag is off the hook for 1/2 of child care, because when all is said and done if everything were re-evaluated, I would actually get LESS for alimony (which is $150.00 a week for 5 years) and probably less for child support (which is $200.00/week) AND... the child care will really only be for 2 more years... while the rest of it will be for the next 15!

Having said that.... The kids and I are still better off today, then we were this time last year!

----------------------

Now on to the nitty gritty.. and the things that matter most to you!

There has actually been a vote for The Stepford Wife as the website mascot... be careful folks... you don't want to make any rash decisions! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I have received Na in CA's Sangria submission but it is not the correct file type for me to open, so we are still working on that.

Is anyone else out there dressing up for Halloween?

I have officially extricated myself from the Babysitting barter, by doing a quasi background check on ex-loved one of my friend and hair stylist. (stylist? in my case... more of a hair chopper, but then I'm not giving her much to work with)

Pumpkin picking... M Colkins is out... as I informed her that the kids and I will be leaving my house at the ungodly hour of 7:00am.

Apple picking... that's coming up. Me.. the kids... my Ro-tate-to will be taking on the basket of apples and turning them into APPLE PIES! YUM YUM YUM

Have a great day!

Today we find our heroine.....

2007-10-17T05:38:00.000-05:00

(Well, for starters we find our heroine looking up the word heroine in http://www.webster.com/ to make sure I'm not promoting the illicit use of street drugs.... )

Today we find out heroine with a little quality time on her hands. it's 6:41am and there isn't anything I can do remotely from home this morning, as our accounting system is down... so I have a few minutes of leisure before it's off to the showers.

I made lasagne last night... as a test run for the filming of it for http://www.myfriendcooks.com/ (by the way the freak with the blender WON hands down as the mascot -- Now I will be running a poll for his name. We can't continue to call him "The Scary freak with the blender" right? OR can we? How about SFB.... ah but I digress)
So, I made the lasagne which smelled and looked great! It didn't take too bad. It was NOT exceptional... so I think I will try something a little less tasty... something I know I can make really really well.....
COFFEE!

That's it!

COFFEE the miracle elixir of the GODS!

I can do that.

Stay tuned.... this should be good.

NOW..... The other thing is... My remote chefs.. NA in CA... we are having a problem uploading their cooking escapades due to the length and size of the files. .....hhhmmmmmmmm.... Fear not! I will come up with an answer! In the interim... you can burn it on a DVD and mail it to me? (which isn't likely, since even I know... the mail box in the front of the house is better at RECEIVING mail, then SENDING mail) So, I am trying to come up with an alternative... The problem is most of the existing portals have a file size and or minute limit. (as evidenced by the Paella Three Part Mini-Series)

If you have any ideas. Please let me know!

NA in CA hold tight.... we will think of something... because we ALL want to know how to make home made sangria!

Have a great day!
Today is Wednesday! Only 2 more days until the weekend! The kids and I are going Pumpkin Picking on Saturday! Yippeeeeeeeee

Looking for a Mr. Goodbar

2007-10-15T17:42:00.000-05:00

That's right... after the weekend that I had... a nice fat chocolate bar is what I need.

It's not the bad hair color
The bad hair cut
The whole new makeup make over due to the new hair hue
or, the fact that I also had to wear my contacts... to showcase the new eye shadow

and let's not forget

I actually put on lipstick to distract any passersby from ALL OF THE ABOVE.

it hit me.

I agreed to babysit another persons child... in the evening.

Yes, while most of the free world will agree... 15 hours out of any day, you could drop off a handful of kids at my house and I would say.. the more the merrier. Not any messier than normal... not any louder than usual. BUT

BUT

babysitting while a mommy is out on a date.... that means.... the evening!

HOLD THE PHONE.

I sleep in the evening. I may be one of the few people on the planet (over the age of 5) who go to bed at 8:00... but I come from a long line of adults who wake up at the crack of dawn and stay awake ..into the wee hours of.... DUSK. That's right... you heard me right. DUSK... which at this time of year is... hhhmmm.... 6:30pm! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH (oh ... sob... sniff... that was funny....)

Anyway, like manna from heaven the answer to my dilema was dropped from the sky (in the form of a cell phone call) It seems that the person to whom I was indebted to sit for... nay, I say to whom I became an endentured sitter slave, called with a computer question... which escallated into a minor research project she wanted me to embark upon... THUS, providing me with the perfect "barter" tool for this and future hair cuts. Yup. I feel good.

Have a great day!
I know I will

My Nemesis and Arch Enemy!

2007-10-14T08:15:00.000-05:00

This blog entry is specifically for M Colkins, who has listened to me lament the sad state of the affairs as it pertains to my laundry.

Originally, I was placing the clean clothes on my bed... This was in an effort to force me to fold and put the articles away.. I figured, as most would, that I would fold the laundry, put it away, then go to bed.

But Alas, I found myself sleeping on the couch to avoid folding.

THAT was ridiculous.... as many of you may know, that I spent the last 2 years sleeping on a couch... So, I moved the clean clothes to the spare room that is doubling as the kids computer room, my downstairs book storage and various other things.

As predicted, the room filled to the brim with unfolded clothes and we dressed int he morning from laundry baskets. One morning this week, I wondered why it took so long to get everyone ready... and it was because their dressers were empty and I had to pick out all their clothes from the clean laundry room.

SO...... today I folded it all!

As illustrated by the below picture.

There are 7 columns of clothes folded on that table, a pile of summer clothes folded slated for storage above the dresser, All the kids dresses hung on the clothing rack, and the basket behind the table and pile of folded clothes on the floor... are mine.

And so... I defeated my nenemsis........

NOT SO FAST.

I have still to confront my arch enemy.

THE SOCK BASKET!

This baby will plague me the rest of my life. In my many discussions with M. Colkins, where I vowed, to simply purchase new socks every 2 weeks, she assured me having a seperate laundry basket for socks was the way to go.... GO CRAZY! That's what I say!

Honestly, if Target hadn't been COMPLETELY out of socks in the proper size THE LAST TWO TIMES I WENT THERE, I would have myself a nice little buffer of brand new unused socks in a drawer somewhere... but no. it was not to be. AND NOW, I must MATCH SOCKS!

OH THE INHUMANITY

Ok, maybe I am over-reacting... Perhaps this is what they call a self fullfilling profecy.

Anyway, I thought you would like a little insight into the current Bane of my existance (which if I look back over the last couples, I really shouldn't be complaining... right?)

Actually, I'm not really complaining (am I complaining?) ..... hhhmmm..... commenting. hows that, I'm commenting.

Have a great day!

Enjoy the change in seasons

Enjoy as everything as much as you can!

Autumn Leaves or is it Leafs?

2007-10-12T18:51:00.000-05:00

OH, sometimes I astound myself with my insight and humor! HA HA HA

HEY Idaho! right back at ya!

And so.... Autumn commences abruptly. Today one of the mothers in the gaggle of us who wait for out children outside the school, commented on my haircut... thus bringin everyone's attention to my Herman Munster Style bangs and Spock like trimming around the ears. YES... still the residuals of the old "home hair cut" and YES, in case you didn't read that entry... I did it to myself. I actually had to stop myself ... because I started picking up the scissors again... thinking I could fix it!

Well.... I really don't know what to do. I saw some pictures of my hair... from a few years ago... and I really like it.. I don't know exactly when my hair cut morphed into the doo I am currently sporting... but I MUST... (picture my raised fist as I curse the powers that be and call upon all my strength to summon this oath) I MUST get back to that hair style!

OK... So that means, growing some things out...

Anyway.... one of the other mothers... gently suggested a wig... even goign as far as to say, that some famouse star has a whole like of Hair Pieces out!

Yup.

I thanked her and cough to hide my sob.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Hugs to everyone!
Have a great weekend

A co-worker sent this to me

2007-10-08T13:25:00.001-05:00

Let me just tell you....
Guess which one is me?
HA HA HA AH

I hope no one spit out their coffee at this one! It was soooo funny! That is SOOOOOOO ME!

Most people need a little time to get their morning groove on... I am a TOTAL UNADULTERATED MORNING PERSON!

It's a comin!

2007-10-06T03:25:00.001-05:00

SANGRIA CELEBRATION... filmed by Christina in California... it on it's way!
She is currently working on uploading it into my YouTube Account... and it will be posted on www.myfriendcooks.com as soon as I can get it there.

I spoke with Christina last night and she told me that not only was it fun to film... but the added benefit of filming a segment on making an alcoholic drink is the tasting it along the way. She was a littpe tipsy when I talked to her! HA HA HA

Keep your eyes peeled for that......

AND the voting on the website mascot will be open for 1 more week. SO FAR, the Freak with the Freak with the Blender is winning... by a land slide!

Have a great day!

New Vacation Plan

2007-10-03T16:44:00.000-05:00

It's called..... The Embassy Suites... and I just found out that they have fully heated, indoor pool!

Do you know what the means.

For under $100.00, I can take my kids away from Saturday to Sunday and we can swim and probably get a FULL ON Breakfast Buffet.... without driving over an hour! I won't have to clean ANYTHING... Doesn't that sound wonderful! HONESTLY, if the joint has elevators, we are set. My kids and I can ride up and down the elevators for hours! That's the treat I offer them when they are good at the Dr.'s office.... but enough about me!

The survey is adding up....

Looks like the Freak with the blender is the reigning favorite for the http://www.myfriendcooks.com/ mascot (by the way B. the (chicken a la) King pointed out that I refer to the site by myfriendcooks.com and also myfriendscook.com. Did I tell you it's ok, they are linked and go to the same place? ANYWAY.......

here's a little something more to titillate your tastebudes...

Installment #2 - Mary Coll Cooks Paella - The Rice

AND there is more to come.... I have received confirmation that the California contingent of MY FRIENDS (aka NA) will have her oldest daughter (still younger than my oldest) positioned as camera -GIRL and will provide us with gribbing detail as to how to make authentic Sangria!

I CAN'T WAIT!

Have a great day!

The freak with the blender is winning the survey

2007-10-03T05:03:00.000-05:00

So far... it's the freak with the blender winning the www.myfriendcooks.com survey.

(for those of you that are wondering... myfriendscook.com and myfriendcooks.com will bring you to the same place... The wonderful world of my friends cooking!)

Anna has suggested some music in the background ... well, I will be researching some royalty free music ...FOR HER COOKING EPISODE.

Since I don't have anyone lined up for this weekend.... yet.... My daughter has offered to make a yogart smoothie (which should be interesting for several reasons... first she is 6 years old, second she enjoys putting things in the blender which really really really shouldn't be put in the blender... together) and/or I will make my fathers/Grandmothers recipe for Dutch Pancakes (which are really like big crepes) ... So stay tuned.... I ususally get the movies uploaded on Sunday.

Any other suggestions?

Anyone else ready for .... the camera?

Hey, did anyone call Oprah or Rachel Raye? They need to know there is some competition in town! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH AHA HA HA HA AH AH AH AHA HA HA AH AH AHA HA HA

Yeah, steep competition... mostly from my camera GIRL. ha ha ha ha ha ha

Well, have a great day!

I hope you laugh at least once!

Mary Coll Cooks Paella--

2007-10-01T04:24:00.000-05:00

A riveting 3 part mini-movie is now currently viewable at http://www.myfriendcooks.com/

To titillate your taste buds and work out your funny bone... I have included PART I in this blog entry!

Remember to see the rest! Tune into http://www.myfriendcooks.com/ and go to videos!

Has this ever happened to you?

2007-09-30T12:04:00.000-05:00

It's only 1:00pm in the afternoon and so far today.....

I have been warned against a new plague that is from warm lakes that infiltrates the swimming via their nose and eats their brain. I laughed when I heard it... and was all ready to blog it's ridiculous..ness... when I googled (are you sitting down?) Brain eating plague... and I actually got a clip from ABC news... about an ameoba that has killed 6 boys this year, by eating their brain. I can't take it! What the F!

let me see if I can find that link again... and I will hook you up.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=3665860

AND.... Just moments ago, I was having a pleasant conversation with a friend... who had to get off the phone (and I am quoting here) because she stuck her toe in a basket and thinks she just dislocated it. How can you argue with that?

So, the next time you are having an conversation with someone that you want to cut short... try that one on for size... It's a winner. Can't argue.

HA HA HA HA HA

Have a great day!

Is it Adios?

2007-09-28T17:39:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking.... maybe it's time to ... sob... let the blog go!

I have been toying wiht a new blog idea... something hopefully more interactive... HONESTLY, Sometimes I feel like I talking to myself! HA HA HA HA HA HA Until of course, when I get the email from M. Colkins who informs me that I made her spit milk through her nose (of course, this is a woman who can't eat rice without... well, I won't go there)

Anyway, I was thinking about discussing current events or something, however... They don't really cover much on PBS Kids. Mary Marple says I should go Deep Deep under cover and just give people the little insightful snippets that make my life (and probably everyone elses) funny.

I'll think about it.
Hey check out this website: www.kickapps.com (B the King... I dont' know why I thought your Dark side could us this.. but for some reason it seemed like I had a vague notion you could do something with this!)

Now that we have a puppy, I have Dog Doody Duty... And I have some ideas for picking up Dog Doody. Here they are:

Feed the dog lots of iron... wait several days ... then use a big magnet
Feed the dog some of that glow in the dark liquid in those glow in the dark sticks... then wait until it's night time to pick up the piles.. (gauranteed not to miss any)

or continue to do what we are doing... which is... Look for the colorful piles... sometimes a flash of plush toy eye or metallic glint of wrapper

OK... Gotta go break up a fight over a plush (eyeless) toy in the livingroom!

Have a great day!

Heard it through the grape vine

2007-09-27T19:05:00.001-05:00

So... I was surfing the web... and I stumbled upon this great website with this incredibly articulate and 40 something blonde hotty talking in her kitchen... introducing a new internet cooking show. It's www.myfriendcooks.com

Don't be distracted by her flailing arms and comical face...

It's actually funny... remember that Seinfeld episode where jerry was dating that girl that looked great in some lights and like a monster in others.... This unknown blonde stranger seems to have the "monster" lighting system in her kitchen.

However, it looks like a good idea... (the person that came up with the idea is brilliant!) Apparently, you can submit your video of yourself (or loved one) cooking your favorite dish, upload it on youtube and send the website the link at contact@myfriendcooks.com

What a great idea? Right.

Apparently, the first recipe will be a local portugese favorite! Paella. (did I spell that right?)

OK. Gotta go.

HELLO EVERYONE!

Tomorrow is Friday!

Life is Sooooo great! B the King reminded me that last time this year... I was still... NOT SLAG FREE.... It seems like that whole thing was a long distant memory. Slagboy is being human. He is seeing the kids more than he ever did when we lived in the same house... In fact, I had a talk with my 6 year old about it... she wished we didn't move. I told her all of the great things that have happened since we moved and she said, "Yeah and Daddy takes us lots of places" However, my 3 year old still says... "How come daddy isn't here? Is he home sleeping?" HA HA HA HA HA HA

Have a great day!
I know I will

Shout out to Mickey the Chin...

Looking for New Internet Stars!

2007-09-25T05:17:00.000-05:00

(the following blog entry has been edited after the fact.... the after the fact edits are in pink)
Good Morning Everyone!

Looks like everything is finally working out... the little road bumps that fall in our way are nothing more than what the normal every day person meets... BECAUSE WE ARE SLAG FREE!

And so... I was surfing the internet and came across a great website:

http://www.myfriendscook.com/

That's right... Looks like some unknown person will be visiting and filming victims..... cough cough... I mean friends, as they cook a meal in their home. ... this is going to be fun and funny! AND, you might even learn how to cook a new dish.

Doesn't this sound like fun....

i think the recipes are also going to be available on the site.

I understand that you can submit your own video for the site... it's considered a homemade internet cooking show. Marvin Dimple.... If you are inclined to make the Home Brewed Wine... perhaps we could put that on... - I don't have time lapse photography, however, we can take pictures every day! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, then splice it together! I have some adobe video editing software...
M. Colkins.... there are so many dishes... Paella? (is that spelled correctly)
B the King... surprise us!
JoJo B-Man... What's your specialty?
Who else... who else....

Of Course, people.... there won't be any reference to this blog...how could there be, that website and this blog have nothing whatsoever to do with each other...... so your identities (while only ever being mildly shielded from the prying public eye... will only be less mildly shielded)

OK, gotta go!
Have a great day
Think about it!

2 of three is a confirmed.... sickie

2007-09-24T08:19:00.000-05:00

That's right, I'm working from home today, my child 2 of 3 is now sick. My daughter 1 of 3 was sick on Friday... so I am figuring that I won't be going into the office until atleast wednesday, which is when.... 3 of 3 will probably be over whatever will eventually ail her.

That's ok, I have some work to do... I was saving it for extra hour work. You know, something to add a few more hours to the 'ole paycheck... but I gotta atleast get my minimum in.....

What a beautiful day today is..... I hope everyone had a great weekend!

Rosie is cracking me up.

She is stalking the squirrels. They are taunting her... and she is falling for it... every time! HA HA HA

OH, this is too cute...
My 4 year old just informed me that...
Pigs are made out of bacon.
Cows are made out of hamburger and...
Chickens are made out of chicken nuggets

Have a great day!

Oh yeah.... Multi-Colored Dog Duty

2007-09-23T16:10:00.003-05:00

I was laughing out loud as I did my weekly yard "dog duty duty".

Due to my dogs new diet which partly consists of Crayons and pencils and other colorful writing implements.... her poop is in technicolor.

I was puzzled. PUZZLED... I wasn't even sure it was poop. Then I recognized a particulary big piece of crayon... and well... I was thinking that having her eat something colorful on purpose, might actually make it easier to pick up the yard! HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH

Hey.... should I patent that?

Have a great day!

Blog... what blog?

2007-09-23T13:01:00.000-05:00

Sorry guys. I forgot all about this thing. So without further adieu.....

Quick Snapshots... moving backwards in time.... As I remember them.... Starting with today. Sunday....

-Shimmering Gold Caddy, cranking the 70's disco.... cruising down the road... slag boy at the helm. Arm out the window flicking his marlboro ashes to the wind... (or back in the back window as the case may be) He clearly thinks he's hot. We all know he's not.

-Shoe after shoe after shoe didn't fit. Finally, sighing in disgust and utter frustration, I left the aisle with Entienne Aeisgner and Nine West beauties and headed over to the section with ..... naturalizers.

-After returning the stuff to Target, I felt much better about making the purchases I really didn't need.

-After returning the stuff to Walmart, I felt much better about making the purchases I really didn't need.

-This morning I was reminded, why I shouldn't cut my own bangs...... of course, that was after I cut my own bangs... No problem, I headed for the hair gel... that I only use, immediately following a bad hair cut.... that is usually administered by my own hands.

-(recap about me) Bad Hair, bad shoes... no problem, I bought hair color (to mask the bad cut) and new nail polish (to...... distract from the bad shoes)

(sit back.... relax.... look up, tilt your head slight to the left... and let your mind wander as your gaze glazes over.....good now we are all doing it!) ha ha ha ha

I just had a little episode where I thought I might want to redo my wardrobe to 50's retro... but then.... it all comes back to the bad hair. Although, in the 50's... wigs and things were totally in. OK, I'm off this one. Back to the snap shots

-Rosie escaped, but some nice neighbors (who apparently recognized her from our yard) were in the process of walking her back to the house, when I finally rounded up the girls and got them in the mini-van to commence the search. Apparently, I didn't shut one of the yard gates too well... and my 3 year old let the dog out.

-Rosie has a new collar, pink with a little heart with her name and our phone number (hhmmmmmmmm me thinks those two snapshots are related)

-Sick 6 year old on Friday. She's better now

-Finished all the paperwork for the attorney to file the paperwork to bring slaggy to court to pony up the money for day care.....

-Work is good... as you know, it's now 5 days a week. They aren't full days, but by the time I get everyone home from schools and have their homework done... it seems like a full day!

That's it! Life is good. The kids are great! The dog is working out well... I cleaned out my mini-van today.. well, didn't really clean it out, as much as I emptied it out! hA HA HA HA Now, I have a hamper full of the stuff that was in mini-van. The challenge for me is to actually go through the stuff again and put it away.
Here's my list... it is much shorter, now that I have been to Target, Walmart, MJM Shoes and Petco... I have to clean the yard of Dog Debris, vaccuum the car, wash and fold laundry... and I think that's it!

BIGGEST SURPRISE ALL WEEK
Slag Boy handed me (2) gift cards, one for $510.00 for Burling Coat Factory, and one for $500.00 for Sears. Turns out, suggesting that he buy the kids clothes instead of Gameboy things on his weekly visit.... convinced him that he COULD take them to get clothes .. and what not. Actually taking them to Sears and then Burlington Coat Factory convinced him that he COULD NOT take them to get clothes, and he purchased the gift cards instead.
SO, the surprise is NOT that he couldn't deal with them shopping... the surprise is the very generous couple a gift cards....

Yippeeeee

Have a great day!

Just a quick Shout Out!

2007-09-18T05:30:00.000-05:00

Hey Guys!

Now that school is back in swing, everyone is busy busy. Just a quick update to get you rolling on your day.

#1) My 6 year old LLLLLOOOOOVVVVVEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS school. It just goes to show how a good teacher, a kind compassionate teacher is key to some students success. Yesterday, the younger kids and I picked her up from school (because of the ongoing bus debacle) and she very proudly showed me her school. I also met her teacher again, and my 6 year old gave her a hug. It was so sweet! I am sooo happy. After the Horror of Kindergarten, and the drill sargeant they called a kindergarten teacher... if you can believe this, her first grade teacher actually got her excited to do her homework!

#2) I have enrolled the younger two in a Montessori School, it's a little inconvenient as far as the drive, but I was more impressed with the school and the director, then the one that they are currently going to...

#3) Work is Great! I keep getting the greatest geeky challenges all day long, and the house (albeit only 5 a day) pass by so quickly, I can barely believe that the time has passed already. I'd like a couple of other side things to come through, so I can get a little X-mas money... but so far everything has been falling into place... sometimes just barely, but so far so good.

#4) I realized today... that I do PMS. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I feel great, and wondered why I was so crabby last week. (you guessed it) HA HA HA HA (was that too much information?) Anyway, it's hard to realize, when you are in the thoes of a spastic hysterical "can't take it anymore" episode, that .... This too shall pass.... So, my motto (at least for the next three weeks) is to NOT STRESS...

That's it!

We are great! The dog is Great! She loves her new house (what we are calling the crate in the iving room) and we love that we don't have to worry about what she will get into while we aren't home!

Have a great day!
Enjoy!

Overview and Updates

2007-09-15T07:02:00.000-05:00

Good Morning, it's a overcast chilly Saturday at 8:00am. It is already starting to stay darker later, and get darker earlier.

I love this time of year. Actually, I love all four season changes. Probably just the change. I spent some time around Pheonix Arizona and found that I didn't care for the season changes that were marked only by the heat index. I like see the leaves turn colors and drop off, then have snow and then have spring and watch the days get longer, then have the wonderful warm summer... It's great!

So, today is a great , chilly hot chocolate sweater day.

I'm taking the kids to a birthday party in the old neighborhood, it's supposed to be outside, but I don't know. It's kind of raining.. so it might be changed to a house party. We shall see.

I offered to let slag boy see the kids today and then only have to drive them back to my house and he is going to take me up on the offer. Which turns out good, because Sunday, we are hosting little willy's 2nd b-day party. Complete with Barney costume, which as I said to M. Colkins when the kids and I picked it up... the best thing I can say about the costume is... it doesn't appear to have bugs! HA HA HA HA A HA

Actually, it is clearly "the purple dinosuar" but it appears to have had some wear and tear. Emphasis on both. It is what it is... the baby is 2... he'll fall for it... he will LOVE IT!! My 6 year old offered to wear the costume for the party.. that would be funny! It's going to be alot of fun for everyone and we will get lots of pictures of the cutie enjoying his 2nd birthday.

_______________________________________
The Dog Crate came. And ROSIE LOVES IT!

I had been keeping her in the spare bedroom room, but there are some expensive software books and a spare computer and such... and although so far she hadn't felt the need to unassemble anything... perhaps she wasn't motivated yet. So, the crate is a good score. It's an even bigger score, since she seems to like it!

I leave it in the livingroom with the door open (the kids play in it with her) and she goes in and lays down occasionally, but she also goes in and lays down when I shut it. She doesn't whine or put up a fight or anything... This is goign to work out really well. I put a blanket over the top to make it more of a cozy home. That's one problem down... now I need to work on her behavior around other dogs.

Did I tell you about the walk to the bus stop? Well, one of the house near the bus stop had a big white dog tied outside the house on a long rope. When Rosie saw her/him she started barking, her tail was wagging, but she was jumping up on her hind legs.. AND I had a choke collar on.

So, I had to walk her up the street around the corner to get Rosie out of view of the other dog. It looks like she wanted to play, but I don't know. I really need to have her around other dogs more to see what she will do. I might enroll us in a few obedience classes, just so I know what I am supposed to do... to get her to do what she is supposed to do.

She is a great dog! Now with the crate, b the king can come to visit and not be in fear of his life. I don't know who would be afraid of our little Rosalita....

---------------------
Work is good. I am enjoying the geeky projects I am getting assigned. I have been able to do a lot of work from home, however, I do have to commence more hours in the office. That's ok, because overall, I will end up with more hours. The good news, I will be home to get my 6 year old on the bus, and home to get her off the bus. The bad news, I will have to have the other two in pre-schooll/day care for 5 days. Atleast, the hours are reasonable. I think they will be able to handle it. So far, so good.

--------------------
I finished up the paperwork I needed to send to my attorney to have the child care issue revisited in court. Of course, now that i am working full time, I am making more money, so it's possible that the court will lower his child support obligation... but he will atleast have to pay 1/2 the child care, which really helps, but doesn't help. It's too bad. really too bad.

Ouch, I have a "lack of caffeine" headache. I am sipping my extra large quick check coffee... that's right, I packed up the kids and we went to quick chek. (after about 45 mintues of stress... "I don't like these pants", "I don't like these socks", "I don't like this shirt", and on and on and on....) Was it worth it! HELL YEAH, not only did I get a cuppa, I got a canna... so I can make a pot to get me up to speed. (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... up to speed, I am so funny) You see, I was completely out of coffee. I had plenty of light cream... but none of the brown elixir of the gods. The Bean.

So, now I am enjoying the last bit of my quick check coffee... (and hey, B the King, I don't want to hear about the ungreenness of my styrofoam cup. I do what I can do, when I can do it... and this morning, I was NOT about papercups, with little paper hot holder protection thingies.... )

-(pause while I put a pot of coffee on)-

OK, I'm back. I need to filter some more water before I can push the button. Filtered water? you say. What?

OK, Now I'm really back. I took a break to talk to M. Colkins and finish making the pot of coffee. --------------
That's it for now.

Have a great weekend. Enjoy the season changes...

The Crate it is!

2007-09-13T07:22:00.000-05:00

Well...

As Marvin Dimple Smith observed I have a very clever dog. Very bright, very alert and eager to please. She would make a great search and recue dog....

that is

if she was

searching

and

rescueing

PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Yes, my clever dog, took my daughters backpack off the kitchen table, without upsetting the 2 plastic cups of orange juice that were situated nearby... she took the backpack into the living room. Unzipped it the compartment that had the lunch box.. (now, this is a testament to the patience of this dog. There are 7 - 10 different compartment in this thing.) She located my daughters lunch box, which has 2 insulated zippered compartments, the one on top, and the flat one on the bottom. This prodigal dog unzipped the bottom compartment (only) extracted the ziplocked peanut butter and jelly sandwich... ripped a little hole in the bag (apparently the sliding action of the "zip lock" proved too much for her dexteritous paws and teeth...) and sh enjoyed a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich (with peanut butter on both sides, so the jelly wouldn't soak through)

MIND YOU, my 6 year old daughter didn't eat the sandwich, because she forgot to look in the bottom compartment for it! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

OK..... I was going to gate Rosie into the kitchen, until I returned home to the above described scene... and noticed, that after her lunch, she tried to get her self a little drink..... of diet pepsi.

I love this dog.

Only 2 things, I need to work on with her are..... the chewing... and her reaction to other dogs.
I am going to crate her, which as it turns out is a process (if it's done correctly) I want her to like ... nay.... I want her to love her crated retreat! AND.... I think I might have to get some obedience training for me and her to teach her how to react to other dogs. I had a hard time restraining her yesterday afternoon when I walked her to the bus stop with the kids to get my 6 year old off the bus (which we are now referred to the bus debacle... not the dog part... the bus driver from hell part) Anyway, my 50 pound dog was on her back legs yanking at her choke collar trying to break away and get the dog. That coupled with the fact, that for some reason, she was shaking all over when we walked near the bus stop.

Anyway.... I will be doing some research and maybe sign up for some help or classes or something. I know it may be expensive, but the bottom line is.... if she is trained properly, she will be even more of a joy to have around for years to come!

Have a great day!
Happy Holidays (if applicable)

Doggy Treats

2007-09-11T06:07:00.000-05:00

Well, Rosie our new dog has been trying to help me out around the house. She has taken it upon herself to start the slow and steady movement towards less toys ... in preparation for Christmas.

The toys were steadily making it to the garbage as they lost limbs and other chewable members to the boredom of what is my new dogs day.

I was joyful. As those of you know, my kids aren't picky about their toys... just as long as they have a BOAT LOAD OF THEM! And so, the steady migration of toy from being left on the floor to being placed in the garbage (sometimes in unnatural pieces) was commencing nicely... UNTIL .... Until.... my 4 year old decided that could repair the damage with band-aids.

AND, my 2 year old has commenced her "eeewwww this toy smells like dog breath, now you have to wash it" campaign.

These kids must sit up at night thinking of ways to twart my best efforts at a clean house... because let me tell you about the bandaid campaign....

Do you know how many little pieces of paper accompany a single band-aid? That's right... 3 - 4... 3 if you can keep the outer pieces together, 4 if you pull everything apart. SO... on one occasion, the blue plush dinosaur required extensive repair... and they went through about 20 band-aids... you do the math. ... you know, calculating how many little pieces of paper are now on the floor.

So. The dog and I have had to think up other ways to help out.

She ("the dog") wanted me to know that there might be a market for high end drinks for dogs. And, she discovered (and subsequently provided me with the details) of a tasty high end flavored water drink, that doubles as a chew toy.

You and I call it.... Fruit 2O. My dog calls it tasty fun! Of course, I would have preferred she have this epifany while I was home... maybe even .. dare I say, outside the house in the yard... But I can understand. She didnt' want to miss her soap operas... so she thought she would experiment in the living room... on the futon.. And Eureka! She did discover, that plastic bottled water and flavored water is loads of fun!

OK.
Gotta go, today is the first day of 1st Grade for my 6 year old. We are very excited.

have a great day!

Saturday

2007-09-07T05:05:00.001-05:00

M Colkins has invited me for a manicure and a pedicure... on Saturday, when Slaggy picks up the kids. I'm a little scared. The manicure is ok, although it's been a good 10 years since someone besides myself or a 6 year old painted my nails... but the pedicure is truly frightening!

Few people know... or atleast I like to think it's not that obvious, but the bottoms of my feet are a mess. let me just put it this way... when I walk across carpet, it's like walking with velcro on the bottoms! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

or.... My feet snag panty hose... so I have to use tights! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Anyway, I started to tell M. about that and she started going off about taking a bath with a pumice stone... and well folks I'm a little scared... It's been even longer since I've had a bath... and I don't think I've ever bathed with pumice. HA HA HA HA HA HA And of course, the bath will have to be our little secret, becuase if the kids find out that I took a bath... they will be jealous.. (they are doomed to showers in the downstairs bathroom... bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaa)

Anyway, I am looking forward to a little pampering..

Turns out to be a NON-Issue

2007-09-06T18:44:00.000-05:00

First, shout out to my friend D from the Wizard of Oz, it was great talking to you!

Second, just spoke with slaggy

Him: What's going on for Saturday?
Me: What do you mean, going on?

Him: Can I pick up the kids?
Me: I guess so, I don't see a problem with Saturday, what time are you going to pick them up?

Him: Early
Me: What time are you bringing them back?

Him: Oh around 5:00
Me: 5:00 o'clock Saturday night, right?

Him: Yeah, well you won't let me have them over night.
-------------------------------------
That's that

I mentioned that it's good that my 6 year old will be home on Sunday since Tuesday is her first day or school, and we need to get her school clothes and supplies in order

He said, "I thought she started already"
I sighed and thought I already told you this 3 times but said, "No that is the other two, they started this week"

Anyway, it's a non-issue.

Have a great day!

New Room Mate? or part of the Crew?

2007-09-06T14:32:00.000-05:00

My Ex Neighbor has reported a man spending A LOT of time at the Slag Boy abode.

I am currently doing some recon on the matter to see if the person is there performing services or if the person is there.... living there.

As you may or may not know, Slag Boy has been complaining about his lack of money... and my first thought is a renter. He knows PLENTY of drinking buddies that live in the weekly rental motel rooms... I could see him taking someone in and getting them to pay him cash so that he can make a little money.

I need to start making some phone calls.

I'll keep you posted.

AND... there is NO WAY my kids are coming within a mile of that house if he has a strange man living there... let alone... letting them sleep over!

Have a great day!

My Decision

2007-09-06T05:13:00.000-05:00

After weighing all the options...

I'm not going to let them stay overnight. It's hard to remember what a liar and irresponsible person he is... when you aren't living it.

Then I remember just last week, when he basically instructed my daughter that "not saying the whole truth isn't lying and it's ok as long as no one else finds out the whole truth"

Knowing that is his philosophy in life... I can't believe a word he says.

AND.... I'm not going to drive one way. The kids aren't clamoring for a day with Daddy.

The only time I feel like I need to drive to his house ... is for the kids. If I feel like the kids really want to go because he hasn't been visiting or something. Besides, I am going to be driving down there the following weekend on a Saturday for a birthday party for our old neighbor... THAT I am doing for the kids.

Right?

or do you think I am wrong?

I feel like I should only do what the kids will appreciate. He won't appreciate anything.. and like I said, right now, they aren't clamoring for a visit with Daddy... so I'm not inclined to go out of my way. Maybe he needs to get a little more creative, like perhaps pick up his kids... with a plan. Instead of "playing it by ear". You know, pack snacks and a lunch... call around and see who is going to be home... go to a local park, play on the playgrounds eat the lunch..

OK... Tell me if you think I am wrong.

I'll listen. I may not change my mind... but I will listen.
----------------------------------------------------
Yesterday was the preschool day from hell!
Both children didn't want to go to school. (actually, it's not really school) it's preschool. My understanding of their day is that it is mostly supervised play, with about 1.5 - 2.00 hours of instruction of some sort.

I gotta get them into something better. My 4 year old is only doing colors and numbers? When she was three she was being taught to write her name.... I feel terrible. But this is the least expensive... however, I might have to make the move to the Montessori school down the street.

It's only 2 years... I might be able to swing it, for 2 years. Well... We shall see.

Have a great day

For the Weekend

2007-09-04T16:52:00.000-05:00

Slag Boy wants the kids for the weekend.

He wants me to either bring them down or pick them up.

Want my opinion?

I think that he can't be trusted to make the right decisions, whether it is what the kids should eat or whether they should go in the ocean.

I asked him, "Where would you take them if you had them for the weekend?"

He said, "what do you mean?"

I said, "it's a simple question, if you had the kids for the weekend where would you take them?"
He said, "what do you mean? "

I said, "I don't want to play 20 questions, I want to know where you are going to go?"
He said, "oh I don't know.... go swimming in the ocean. Go fishing on the beach. Go to the boardwalk. there is so much more to do here, then up there"

I said, "what about your friends house?" (I said that specifically because he has the friend with the vicious dog that bit him twice... and apparently he still goes over there)
He said, "Oh I would never take them to someones house"

I paused, I said, "What about last weekend"
He replied, "What about last weekend"

I said, "You took them to your friends house last weekend"
He said, "Oh that was spur of the moment"

.....sigh.... do you see where I am going with this.

I'm not trying to be a jerk off, but let's face it. There is maybe a 90% chance that if he stays sober and he has the kids nothing bad will happen. Of that 10% chance that something could go wrong, I would say that 8% of it is directly related to poor choices that he will make in his parents time.

I do not want my children to be a statistic... Here's the thing, my friend M Colkins has time and time again advised me that I should stick with the complaint about the drinking otherwise I just sound like some kind of crazed idiot. Well... I may be crazed, but I am no idiot.

I know this about him:

People that I know, that are in the know... cough cough... Marvin Dimple... have said that the following behavior is standard alcoholic behavior.

1. no accountability - never his fault
2. master of revisism - including but not limited to...if he doesn't remember or admit to it, then it didn't happen.
3. misrepresent alcohol consumption - just 1 or 2 drinks once a week... rather than the truth, drink 5 - 8 drinks until you puke on the front lawn and pass out. meanwhile you drove home.
4. Skewed priorities and moral compass. - He is the most important person in his life, even when his children are in his life.

So, I am not trying to make it so he can't see his kids... I am just trying to make it the best safest possible situation. For instance, I chided him about the fuel to come here by saying, that he is the one that purchased a cadillac. He replied, "I bought it to drive around with the kids, it the safest care around,"
I used this as an opportunity to once again bring up the fact, that our 6 year old is supposed to be sitting in the back seat. So I, pointed out that there appears to only be room for the two booster seats in the back and that our 6 year old has to sit in the front seat.
He said, "She could fit in the back, but she doesn't need too, there is an air bag up front, that will protect her"
"The airbag," I pointed out, "is the reason that it is illegal for children under 12 to sit in the front seat"
He continued, "Well she is over 60 pounds, she can sit in the front"
"nope, it's not weight, that's the booster seats," I said, "it is strictly age"
So he argued, "what about the side airbags?"

Because until we moved out... he didn't spend more than 2- 5 minutes with his kids every couple of days.

OK... clunk. (that was me jumping off my soap box)

Oh this was priceless... I said, "Why don't you come and pick up the kids and bring them back"

he said, "It costs me $40.00 in gas each way, what do you think I am made of money?" he continued, "You make more than me. After I pay you, I only have $300.00 a week to live on"
I said, "Then I guess you should stop asking for your overtime in comp pay"

He came back with, "No overtime with the State, they aren't paying anyone OT"
I replied, "Well it's a good thing you took that job"

he said, "what do you mean?"
Me: "nothing"
Him sounding paranoid, "What did you mean by that?"

I said, "Nothin" click
-----------------------------------------
Here's my big news. My 3 & 4 year old started preschool today. So far... so good. I don't know how long I can afford it... at $900.00 a month... but we shall see. I was actually paying the babysitters more than that.. but I was using my meager savings a bit. Now I have to limit it all to what I actually have. And Slag boy is ... well, he is balking at contributing to preschool.

OK... Gots to go!

have a great day, I'd love your input...

Words of wisdom... certainly words he lives by

2007-09-02T19:57:00.000-05:00

Today... Slag boy picked up the kids and took them to his family and friends house for the day.

I gotta know.... Did I do this?

I was just thinking about M. Colkins, who was married and got divorced about 11 - 12 years ago. The whole time... her ex-husband came to get their daughter, I don't think he stepped foot into her house. He mostly pulled up in front of the house, beeped a couple of times and waited for his daughter to come out. M. Colkins never didn't really have much interaction with him. Every week he handed over his check... and every week he saw his child.

Why does slag boy persist on coming into my home. Hanging out on the couch fro 15 - 20 minutes before taking the kids and then he does the same... when dropping them off.

Its not normal.

I have gone to great lengths to act like there is no animosity towards him even though he is claiming that he and his new cadillac don't have the funds to send his kids to pre-school. Even though he hasn't offered to return his big screen plasma TV to fund preschool... nope. So... in fact, he starts conversations in front of the kids on purpose, because he knows that I won't start anything in front of them.

His "sleep over night" campaign has commenced. Of course he broached the subject while sitting in my livingroom and I calming said, "I don't want to discuss this now in front of the kids" To his credit, he did call me on his way home (when he was presumably sober) and again 4-5 hours later (when he was presumably NOT sober) ... both times, I saw that it was him calling and I didn't pick up the call.

He doesn't get that his visitation is Sunday. He doesn't think he has a drinking problem and today... (marvin dimple, you already heard about this) .... He instructed my 6 year old to lie to get over on people. ... YES, exactly that. here's how it went:

Me: So when did they eat dinner?
Him: They had hotdogs and hamburgers about 30 minutes ago

Me: Really they all ate hamburgers?
Him: they have been eating all day, they had cheese and crackers and lots of chips. A lot of chips

6 yr old chimes in: Oh and I had 2 yummy donuts

Me: (laughing at her expression) 2 donuts! 2 donuts! -(I joked) Hey, girlie, what happened to eating healthy?

He turned to her and said: That was supposed to be our secret. Remember, if you don't say anything then no one will know. What they don't know can't hurt them.

So, the lesson for the day (or atleast the lesson I was privy to) is... anything goes as long as you get away with it.

No way, the kids are sleeping overnight at his house. No way.

I have a private eye in my back pocket... ok, he's not a private eye... He works in a sub shop ... but has a couple days off coming up. He said he would follow slagboy around and see where he goes and what he does. I suppose if I need that I will look into that. Right now... I just want the first week of pre-school and the fist week of first grade to go smoothly. I haven't even been able to put together all the paperwork to get another court appearance... I suppose mostly because It's a holiday weekend, probably next week I'll have it all.

This sucks.. I just wish he would wake up one morning and say, "My goodness, what a glorious day. I think I will invest in my children's future and pay my ex wife the money she needs for pre-school so that our daughters can enter the public school system prepared and ready for the challenge! By Cracky" (obligatory knee slap) ... ok, maybe, no by cracky or knee slap... ok, who am I kidding... none of that is actually going to happen, but a girl can dream can't she?

Here's how I am going to write the book. From the eyes of Marvin Dimple. I will be naming the book, On the couch with Marvin Dimple. Marvin will be the main character, who has a job as a counselor... and has some freaky clients... however, none as freaky as the family he married into! AND of course, there will be the obligatory (hey, it's a good day when you can use obligtory twice in 15 minutes and your not talking about state forms) anyway, there will be murder and mayhem... and of course... slagboy.

Life is good
Be Kind
Have a great day!

On the Couch with Marvin Dimple ... Next Caller Please

2007-09-02T19:50:00.000-05:00

Our next call is the Ex Mrs. Slag

Marvin: Hello, Ms. Slagless you are on the air

Me: Hello? Is this Marvin

Marvin: Yes, ms. slagless, can you turn your radio down please

Me: oh yeah, are you there?

Marvin: Ms Slagless what tell me your problem

Me: Are we on the air?

Marvin: Yes, now what is your problem?

Me: Well....

Marvin: More after a brief commercial announcement.

writing a book

2007-09-02T05:56:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I had to reread some of my blog entries as I was counting up the number of days he DIDN'T go to work... (which may have been eaiser to count the days he did go to work) I was struck again by how funny some of the entries were...

So I thought, I wonder if I could put it in the book.... Here's the problem. Most books have that first paragraph where the edgy character is introduced and stumbles across a dead guy. As much as I would have like it... I never stumbled across a dead guy. The other big seller is sex. Not in this blog. let's see... dieting is also a great seller. However, unless I can conjure up a following for the coffee and light cream diet.. I don't think that is going to get me alot of readers.

Hmmmmm... perhaps there is a niche market for this book.

Well, I suppose I can write it, or (since I probably have written it... just put it together) and see what happens.

I think there still just needs to be an end. You know, some kind of completion... Perhaps that's when the dead guy could come in.

Today is Sunday, slag boy is picking up the kids around 9:30. He will be bringing them back around 3:30. That give me all day to .... list stuff on ebay.
I just found out that ebay is offereing zero cost to list items until Septembr 30th. So I have alot of clothes from the kids that don't fit anymore and some photography lights and stuff. Anyway, I'm going to list it... get it out there, get some money in... after all I have to pay for preschool... since slag boy can't afford to chip in.

I am really so excited about next week. My little girls are going to school... oh, I can't believe it. You know, I don't know how parents that work full-time can even find the time to FIND a perschool. I made calls all summer long and 1/2 the places didn't call me back, the other half called back several days later. I had to pop in with the kids on my available days just to take a look around. CRAZY. I called the local catholic preschool and they didn't even have anyone at the desk until this week... and by then all the classes were full. How did that happen? I was stressed out trying to get my ducks in a row and I only work three days a week! I can't imagine if I was a single parents working every day... all day.. and I had to deal with the laxidazical attitude.

Well, hopefully everything will be in place. Hopefully I will soon be receiving some kind of contribution towards preschool... AND... if not.... then we shall see... perhaps one I'll make a killing selling the clothes on ebay! HA HA HA HA

Have a great day!

Sad News.....

2007-08-30T19:09:00.000-05:00

Froggy Frog Frogger (the frog formerly known as "Tad") has given up his slipperly grip on this life and headed on his journey to the big pond in the sky. (PLEASE PLEASE I am trying to stay away from the obvious joke here... Don't make me say it... sigh...........ok.......... he croaked.)

Anyway, It was with a heavy heart that me and my 6 year old flushed Tad down the toilet.

On a lighter note, I will be getting a refund from Petco (where the pets go) for the door gate I purchased, which doesn't seem to keep Rosie in the room and for the fluffy bed I purchased, which she does not use to sleep on. I was thinking about getting a taller gate... but she did pretty good. We were gone for a 4 hour stretch and she didn't chew anything... of course, I left her with a brand new rawhide... (smart thinking right?) She's been great in the house, no accidents. she was a little excited when we got back form the ice cream parlor... so I let her outside to run it off. Tomorrow, I think I will take her for a walk with the kids. Try her out on a leash.

So, the bed thing is funny. She prefers to sleep on this old fleece blanket I made... instead of the nice new bed... and that's fine with me, the blanket takes up less room. HA HA HA

Shout out to A, my friend from the lake.

OH MAN, I can't believe it is already school time. I feel like I am just now getting settled into some kind of schedule and it is all going to hell in a hand basket! I have a listing on Craigslist for a babysitter for 3 hours 3 days a week. To pick up the time after the kids get home from school... to get the full day in at work.

Which may not be a good thing, seeing as... all that working in the office hasn't left me a ton of time to update my blog... right Marvin Dimple? HA HA HA HA HA HA h

OK, I have to go
Talk to you soon
Have a great day!

Regarding fear of clowns

2007-08-28T19:13:00.000-05:00

Well, B the King, you are not alone in the short list of people that I know that are actually scared of clowns... the kids sitter, announced today during some seek & find play time, that she didn't want to the do seek & find with the clowns... she "doesn't like" clowns. Of course, my smarty pants 6 year old dragged it out of her.. that she was actually afraid of clowns. HA HA (da da dadadada da da daaa daaa - my text version of carnival music)

My friends... I am mindful of your fears and that is why Scary Hobo Clown remains elusive and only briefly seen. (that and the fact that he is currently enjoying a year abroad in Washington twp NJ) That aside.

B the king, (I keep typing B the kind and having to go back and correct it... so I may just start calling him B the kind king) Anyway BtheK thinks Rosie is scary. She does have that look. She really is great. She is only a little hyper when you first meet her, then she calms right now. She doesn't jump or hump (my two big no nos) and she is great with the kids. Very Very patient and steadfast. Lots of kisses... ok, maybe she is taking little tastes... AH HA HA HA HA just kidding. I have towelled her off form being outside and she doesn't seem to have any sensitive places, like she doesn't mind you touching her feet, or legs, or belly or head. She will let you take things out of her mouth. Will release toys and she doesn't have a problem with food or anyone messing with her food while she is eating. Very friendly to most dogs (we have alot of dogs walking by the house) she is great.

Well, B the Kind king, she's what we call in the biz..... A sleeper .... or more correctly the reverse of a sleeper. If a sleeper is a person that appears normal... perhaps even unremarkable but this person is in fact, a clever diabolical mastermind of colossal proportions.... (not unlike our own J. Berkinstock) My Rosie is the opposite. She will scare away any peditors from my doorstep and help me to sleep soundly with her extra pair of ears... perhaps even bark. (although today was the first time I heard her bark..it's a nice hardy bark) but so far... all she has shown is that she is fun, patient and affectionate. I'll keep you posted.

Muscles McGillicuty took her for a walk on her lease today (thus far, she has simply frolicked in the fenced in yard. He said she didn't do too bad. So, I will try to work with her on the lease atleast on Sunday's while the kids are visiting with slaggy)

Which brings me to the blogs namesake. Here's the conversation:

Him: So what are you plans for this weekend
Me: I don't know yet

Him: ..duh (I listen to him breath for about 10 seconds and realize he is watching TV while he is on the phone... and his little pea brain got sucked into whatever seinfeld episode that is on...)

Me: What are your plans

Him: Oh, me nothin, I was trying to figure out when I could see the kids
Me: (I pull the phone away from my ear and look at it) Then I say: Why don't you pick them up on Sunday

Him: Good Idea, yeah that will work. I can pick them up on Sunday and do something with them up there.

Me: .. barely able to refrain from saying "DUH!" , ok then see you Sunday.
--------------------------
I am putting together my stuff to return to court to see if the judge will order slagboy to pay the childcare. We shall see We shall see

Who knows, I picked up a Mega Millions ticket today, the jackpot is 225 million... I think that should take care of the kids and me for ... provided I play my cards right, forever. LISTEN TO ME... I'm talking like I might actually win. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Next think you know, I'll be ordering magazines from Publishers Clearing House...

OK... that's it.

Life is good
Have a great day!

Rosie our New Dog

2007-08-26T15:06:00.000-05:00

Here are some pictures...

You will notice in the following picture my neighbors german shepard eyeing up the new piece of tail in the neighborhood. He already tried to pee on her... But it's ok folks. Rosie is fixed.

So....whatta ya think?

The land of Make Believe

2007-08-26T08:29:00.000-05:00

Well... when slag boy picked up the kids. He announced he was taking them to the Land of Make Believe. He further stated, that he had never been there before. To which I nearly said, "Yeah Right, you are the poster boy for the Land of Make Believe" I refrained.

However, I did go to the computer and print him out directions... that was immediately following his question, "That's exit 40 right?" Oh yeah... good idea... pick up your three children and drive aimlessly around the state. Jerk.

In finding the address, I noticed that it was also a water park and other things... So, I packed the kids a bag with a change of clothing and I told him privately that I was leaving out the bathing suits, because I was afraid that he wouldn't be able to watch all three of them in the water at an amusement park. He agreed. We shall see. I further explained to him about my visit to the emergency room with my 4 year old, and said that she needs to eat lightly, drink lots of water and if she says she has to go... she needs to go.

I don't think he heard... his eyes were getting glazed over.. as they generally do about 2 words into any conversation... I also checked and the admission to this park is a little steep.
Adults: $19.00 Children (2-18): $21.00

So, he will be spending $82.00 to go to this park for a couple of hours... and he can't afford his portion of the child care. Sometimes I think that I shouldn't throw stones when it comes to spending money... after all, I am showing a wanton lack of self control by continuing to order my groceries online and having them delivered... In fact, I think I have to stop. Yesterday I ordered from two stores.... both of which delivered... all the money I saved on purchasing sale items... is going towards the tip and/or nominal delivery fee. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Here's the really funny part... When ordering online, you can pick a delivery window. So, in order to save an extra dollar from one store...I had to schedule it ... around the same time as the other store. I kind of feel like I am cheating on the delivery guys... You know, I wonder what will happen... if they will try to out do each other as they carry my groceries into my kitchen... or if they will get pissed at me... and start tossing around my eggs.. OR if it's like a hannah barbara cartoon... with the wolf and the sheep-dog... You know the one... They clock-in, in the morning and the wolf spends the day trying to get one of the sheep and the sheep dog constantly thwarts his efforts. Then in the evening, they clock out and go home.

-------------------------------------------

Today Rogue is coming to my house. Rogue is a rescue dog currently being cared for by a foster family. House trained. (I think) Young female dog.

B the King is desperately trying to talk me out of a dog (he likes his low maintenance, just don't leave him on the porch) cat. I prefer a dog. I'm not paranoid... and but I have given it a lot of thought, and although I'm not bringing an attack dog into my home... I would feel better if there was a dog... around... listening... perhaps barking menacingly... Honestly, I love my dog Axle, who I had for 15 great years... the only draw back I can think about now... was Halloween. That particular day is a real load day for dog owners... the constant ringing of the door bell, followed by the constant barking of the dog at the strangely dressed children. Yup... I can take one day out of the year.

So... I am aware of the added expense... I think Rogue is spayed already, so hopefully I will just be dealing with the Kibble, some raw hide, yearly vet visits and seasonal frontline, oh yeah... and the occasional visit to the doggy salon to get her nails clipped. I will happily bath my dogs... but I don't cotton to clipping the nails myself. PLUS the added expense of the plastic bags for picking up poop!

So, what do you think of this? I was thinking about things... you know, things in general... and I decided that I am going to ditch the SlagBoy campaign... and try for something a little more positive... I am going to design some new logos... for T-shirts. You guys can give me your opinion... what you like, what you don't know... what you think someone other than yourself would like. And... We shall see... I can take over "pad the nomad's" website and sell my t-shirts there... without blinking an eye.

OK... I'll keep you posted... AND.... Bruce, I promise to give you some kind of warning if any of the t-shirts will involve SCARY HOBO CLOWN... Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaa

Ok. Gotta go.

Have a great day!

On the Couch with Marvin Dimple

2007-08-25T06:54:00.000-05:00

Good Morning Everyone.

This entry is specifically for Marvin Dimple, who advised me that if "all this working" is going to have such a negative effect on my blog entries... then I am going to have to come up with some other work arrangement! HA HA

Today I am tired. from approx. 1:30 - 5:00 I was in the emergency room with my 4 year old daughter. Thank goodness, muscles mcgilicuty was home... because he came over and watched the other two while I took my 4 year old in... Now.... Here's what happened... Tell me what you would do.

Around dinner time, she complained about a hurting tummy... which, she later said felt better when she laid down.. which she did and fell asleep around 7:00pm.

Around 12:30 she woke up and was HOT, sweating and really hot, so I gave her tylenol.. but couldn't find my thermometer...AND she was rolling around on her bed complaining of a tummy ache. I'm no doctor, but I've seen a number of "scrubs" episodes... so I almost completely ruled out the emergency room... HA HA Seriously, She said her tummy hurt when I touched it, right in the middle, which would be... an .... enflamed belly button? doesn't matter, I called the Dr. and he said to take her in to rule out appendicitis.

Muscles McGill came over and we were on the way to the hospital (a mere 7 -10 minutes from the house) and all of a sudden, she starts to vomit in the back seat. Once the retching subsides, my daughter is back to her old self. Chatting away, singing a little song... telling me the pain is all gone. I actually go through the emergency room parking lot... thinking... #1) Do I want to subject us to the 5-6 hour Hell that is the emergency room for a virus? #2) Oh Crap, what if it is a virus and she was in the same room as the newborn CT.... Well, I decided to ditch the hospital, but decided to detour to a 24hour pharmacy to pick up more children tylenol and a thermometer... Almost to the pharmacy, my no longer joy ridden daughter announces that the pain is coming back. I turned around.

In the emergency room waiting room, she puked again. Then she felt better. Truth be told, she remained feeling better with just a little aching and complaining the rest of our hospital adventure... and an adventure it was... She got an IV with fluids, She got to pee in a cup (she loved that and wanted to bring some home) She got a level 2 X-ray ... AND... the outcome... She is packed with poop. Yup. Top to bottom... packed. Apparently that's what they X-rayed. As packed as she is... the Dr. said it's not a problem, because it's still soft... but he did give me a suppository that should take care of it!

So, we returned home very very early this morning, I was greatly relieved that it was ... what it was... but I felt a little foolish... and then there is the weeping. Yup. I think it was a combination of it being really really late/early and the fact that my daughter was in pain that I couldn't seem to fix... When I called Muscles I was weeping. Here's the thing. Honestly, it wasn't anything that really warranted a weep fest. The worst case scenario... absolute worse case scenario... I bring all three kids to the emergency room. best case, someone comes over and watches them for me... So... why cry.... Well, I am reminded of a great scene in the movie Broadcast News.. where Holly Hunter schedules herself a 'good cry' ... then abruptly stops and goes on with her day.

Now that everything is getting back to normal, maybe I can schedule myself for a good cry sometime soon...

Slagboy Update
It has finally come to having to bring him back to court... A mere 2 months after we moved out of the house. He is claiming that he doesn't have his share of the childcare. He is claiming that I am making more than him. He still maintains that we didn't move out until July1st. Now, I have to compile all of the info again to bring him to court and have a judge decide. Guess what. it's worth it. The more I think about it, the more I think that I really need to get this taken care of now, since I have 17 more years of this to look forward to... however, only 2 more years of childcare... then by then all of the kids will be in school. I just think it will be worth it to do now. We shall see. I'll keep you updated.

Slag boy called on Monday said, "When can I see the kids?" I told him Wednesday or Sunday. He said fine, then didn't call until Thursday. Then said he would pick up the kids on Sunday.. and I asked when he was returning them... and he said 2-3 in the afternoon. So... it seems that he didn't expect me to drive every week... and I dodged that bullet. Then of course, he called yesterday to find out if he could pick them up on Saturday (I think he wanted to keep them overnight and return them early Sunday) Fortunately, I told him we had plans and he didn't argue.

OK... I gotta go. The poop is loose. I have an appointment with my 4 year old and the commode. I'm going to read her a book while she works on her "traffic jam"

----
B the King. No cat. Unfortunately, there are cat allergies among the kids. No allergies to dogs.. but cats yes... and I was going to say that a cat wouldn't be as much protection as a dog.. then I remembered my mother cat named Maya a.k.a The Man Eater.

Have a great day! I know I will!

The Crew Fairies

2007-08-20T04:07:00.000-05:00

Good Morning Dear Readers....
I write today with joy in my heart as I tell you... Yes, Virginia, there is a Crew.

I saw Slag Boy's house... and although I did in fact recognize it.. (contrary to his many promises) I did notice a distinct difference. All of the interior walls were painted Hunter Green. It actually looked quite nice with the unfinished wood moldings and wood floor. It went particularly well with the new Couch, Recliner and Love seat. More-over, it matched spectacularly with the full wall -wall unit and new plasma TV in the livingroom.

I didn't venture too deep into the bowels of the green monster (that my friends is a double entendre... green house... jealously is also the green monster... neither of which did I venture far into....) The girls told me that the basement is completely empty. I noticed that the kitchen is still unfinished, I noticed that the bathroom is the same and I noticed that he also purchased 4 new pre-hung doors for the bedrooms and bathroom.

It looked nice. It looked clean... for a split second I was disappointed that he wasn't wallowing in a pile of filth... (just a split second) Then I thought about a couple of things..... #1) I'm glad he isn't wallowing... I wouldn't have wanted the kids to have to wallow too. #2) I know that the house is in the best possible condition in anticipation of the visit, both me and the kids. #3) I found out his twin sister was down visiting... I noticed a couple of things about the place that REEKED of female intervention.... and when I found out that his sister was down... I realized that she had probably cleaned up the place for him... Honestly, I'm glad for him. I'm glad that he got the place in some kind of shape... and that he has a nice home to come home to now... and.... when he is all wasted and comes home to pass out, he has a nice soft couch to pass out on!

It's a little hard for me to reconcile, him not being able to afford his portion of pre-school, but having enough money to furnish his house and sport a new plasma TV.

He took the kids to the ammusement park, to the diner, to his fathers house... and then I came and picked them up. He sent them home with 12 packs of gum, a jumbo pack of twisslers, and other assorted chips and snacks. .... nice....

Well, that's it.

The pick up was fairly unevently. He did mention that he was going to counseling. I don't know why or for what... he clearly mentioned it so that I would ask... but I didn't take the bait. WHY you ask? Let's remember... we are dealing someone that doesn't tell teh truth. Honestly, in his mind... if he is considering going to a counseler... it's as good as having gone. So, why bother talking about it, if you can't believe any of it. (I know, I know Marvine Dimple.... because it's blog fodder. The more I get him talking... the funnier the whole things gets. )

So... I had the first day in a long time to myself. He picked up the kids at 8:30am, and I picked them up at 7:00pm that day.

I got my hair cut and I tried to do a little shopping... but honestly, I didn't feel like it. I wasn't entirely comfortable with him having the kids all day, no knowing where they were going.. and I just wasn't happy all day. I am happy now! They are all sleeping in their beds!

OH, we are also in the market for a dog. We went to a local animal shelter ove the weekend, but didn't find out new family member. We will know her when we see her. Unfortunately, there are a lot of pitbull terriers out there... and not too many great mixed dogs waiting for a home. Well, if we are patient... we will find one.

Have a great day!

The Visitation Saga Continues...

2007-08-18T07:07:00.000-05:00

Well... I called and left a message for him today offering the following:

He can pick them up at 9:00am... and take them back to his house for the day, and I will pick them up at his house at 7:00pm. A very wise friend suggested that if I am going to get into the habit of driving... then it may come up later in court... and so I might as well try to get the rules established now in a way that is better for me.

Why is picking up better? Then I don't have to wonder when the kids will be back... I will know, I will be picking them up. He can't try to sneak in an overnight stay by saying that they all fell asleep or something. NOPE, this is better.

However, I think that slaggy is going to hold out for the meet halfway... why? because he thinks that he will only have to drive the 20 minutes to the closest rest area on the road to make the swap.

Here's the thing. I'm not swapping my kids at a rest area. What the F? You want to swap children like contraband on a highway at a rest area because....... you are afraid of the traffic? pppplllleeeeaaaasssseeeeeeeeeeeee

Well, me offering to pick the kids up... has blown his "traffic" excuse. I'm interested to see what he comes up with next.

B the king emailed me and said... it's a power thing. Guess what. I'm done. That's all it ever is.... my attorney has elequently described the situation as

Your client simply refusing to agree to anything does not make his position
either reasonable or acceptable.

And so... having said that... I will also tell you... that is it a GORGEOUS 59 degrees in New Jersey today... the wind is racing through the trees.... screaming "Fall is just around the corner! Fall is just around the corner!" I LOVE Fall!

My parents are in the area, they came to help out Mary Marple and the new Mini-Marple.

In the animated words of Chicken Little: "Today is a new day"

Have a great one!

OH.... MAN... he is draining me... thank god for jojo-bman

2007-08-17T15:54:00.000-05:00

Slagermeigster called... must have been on his way to the bar.

He said, "Did you get my message, Sunday isn't good for me. Saturday would be better"

I said, "Why?"

He explained, "The traffic to get to your house on Sunday night is terrible and I don't want to drive in it. The traffic is crazy up by you" --(please keep in mind, that before moving to the little hamlet he calls home... he spent 33 of his now 42 years living ... thriving in the inner city!

I said, "Sunday is good for me. I think I'm being very generous offering to drive them to you."

He replied, "Generous? You are obligated to let me see my kids"

I said, "Look, you haven't seen them in 3 weeks. If you want to see them Sunday, I will drive them to you in the morning. If you can't drive them back because you don't want to drive in the traffic, then you will have to make other arrangements."

He said, "OK, like what other arrangements?"

I said, "I don't care, it's not my problem."

He said, " It sure will be your problem..." That's when I hung up....the first time

He called back...I answered the phone

He said, "And why won't you let them sleep over"

I replied, "A better question is... why haven't you seen your kids for the last three weeks... and why NOW, all of a sudden, you HAVE to see them on Saturday not Sunday."

He said, "You have to stop using the kids as pawns..."

I hung up the phone again. He hasn't called back.

That last sentence infuriated me so much, my face is still flushed and my hands still slightly shaking. ME? ME USE THEM AS PAWNS? .... deep breath.............deep breath............

Here's the sin. My 5 year old REALLY wants to see her father. I mentioned that I would take them there on Sunday and their Dad would drive them back... now what? Well... I also wanted to go Dog Shopping (which entails (no pun intended) go to a couple of local shelters) So, maybe that will help defray some of the disappointment. I tried... folks I honestly tried.

If he calls tomorrow and says, "Hey I thought about it, I will drive them back on Sunday evening... if you will still bring them down" Then I will still bring them down... the kids deserve the effort.

FYI: on Visiting

2007-08-17T15:21:00.000-05:00

I had a voice mail on my cell phone. It was Slagameister responding to my offer to drive the kids and drop them off on Sunday.

His reply:

"Sunday is tough. There is a lot of traffic going back north(which is back towards our house)"

Yup.

I wasn't really expecting a "Hey, thanks, I appreciate it..." But I CERTAINLY was not expecting him to be like.... Yeah, well... that day isn't good for me... ESPECIALLY SINCE... he originally asked for the kids on Saturday and he was going to bring them back on Sunday.

Well.... just sose youse guys all know..... I'm going to call him back and let him know... I offreed, the offer is out there... if it doesn't work for him... then he can make other arrangements. Sunday is his visitation day.

Visitation Re-Visited

2007-08-17T08:38:00.000-05:00

Well..... I'm gonna do it. (I have placed cotton in my ears, in anticipation of M. Colkins SCREAM... prepare yourself everyone, it's gonna be loud)

I've decided to bring the kids to visit slag boy on Sunday.

Yesterday, for the first time, Jerk Van Winkle (probably prompted by the expensive advice of his attorney) used a phrase quite foriegn to his vocabulary.... it was "why don't we meet half way"

To the unindoctrinated, a compromise usually consists of doing something for him... but not quite doing everything he wants... NEVER NEVER does a slag boy compromise by offering to ... do anything. As evidenced by his "drive the kids to me, stay the weekend and take them home" campaign.

So... the conversation started off as usual, "So, when are you bringing the kids for a visit" He must have been testing the waters. Then he threw me the curve ball.... "Why don't we meet halfway"... I was dumbstruck. I was speechless.... I stuttered a reply something like.... I'll I'll I'll have to l...l...l...look at my schedule. Then I regained my composure and asked if he had purchased car seats yet.... (to which he replied, not yet but he will) and I asked if he had beds (to which he replied, he had air mattresses) I told him I would call him back.

Well.... I'm not going to meet anyone anywhere halfway to anything... that just BEGS for problems. Someone is going to be waiting, someone is going to be early or late.... I decided the best plan of action is to bring the kids to him... and let him bring the kids back. That's splitting the driving EXACTLY in half. PLUS no one is waiting around for anything!

I have vetoed the overnight stay. His visitation is Wed. evening 4:30 - 7:00pm and Sunday 9:00am to 7:00pm. He can stop by wednesday after work (we are only about 30 mintues from his work) and I will split the driving with him on Sundays.

Here's the thing (so far I haven't said anything to calm M. Colkins down)
I am taking the kids, because it is best for the kids.
They want to see him
They deserve to see him... JUST because He doesn't deserve it... doesn't mean they should suffer.

This morning, JoJo B-man, poo poo'd my notion that I would be setting a poor example. I just felt like I didn't want to continue to support his laziness, his lies... blah blah blah... She bascially told me to shut up. That eventually the kids would make up their own mind. But in order to do that, they need to spend time with their father. AND it's the right thing to do.

So, I left a message on his voice mail outlining my plan to drop them off at 9:00am and have him return them by 7:00 or the early evening. That way I also avoid the overnight discussion. If he doesn't like it... well, I think that was a generous offer.

A new Song of Woe

2007-08-15T18:36:00.000-05:00

Today I heard a new song from the old slag boy repetoire....

It went alittle something like this:

Why you gotta get the lawyers involved?
I'm not going to pay childcare because I don't have the money.
You make more than me.
I give you $700.00 out of a $1200.00 check every two weeks.

Here's what I said.
That's the first time I heard that excuse. (and because I was at work, I didn't bring up the fact that even before he paid me a dime.... he refused to pay child care... and that the only time he agreed to split it was during the conversations in front of his attorney)

Anyway, since I was at work and I didn't want to give every a show into my personal drama... I told him I was at work and we would have to discuss it another time.

Here's what I don't understand.... If you need more money... why not ...... ummmm...... going to work a few more days a week! OR perhaps.... a good idea would be to stop putting all of your "overtime" (which apparently when you work for the state is anything over the first 2 hours of each day) into Comp Time... and start actually get that money in your pay check.

WHY? Well, I know why he isn't doing it.

A) He has convinced himself that he is going to use all of those days off to finish the house and sell it for a ton of money... Well, I have the neighbors keeping their eyes out for The Crew. HA HA HA HA HA HA

B) He is afraid that if he actually shows that he is earning that money, I am going to be able to ... well....prove that he is capable of earning the money and therefore can fulfill... ummmm ...his obligation

OK... enough negative... I need to prepare for work for tomorrow.

The kids tried out the bath for the first time... We have decorated that bathroom in Frogs. It's now called the Frog bathroom. We have been showering downstairs.. yes, even the 2 & 4 year olds... because we are really using upstairs as kind of storage.. but recently we straightened it up, and cleaned and decorated the bathroom... so we christened the tub! it worked out well, but was a little slippery....

That's it for news.

I think I already noted that Mary Marple had a little boy.... quite possibly the cutest little 3 day boy on the planet. I can't tell you his name... I will say that it is a great name! He is a great little dude.... his parents are very happy and Mary Marple Smith is healthy.

I am very very happy for them!

Have a great day

Pinch me I think I'm dreaming

2007-08-12T18:07:00.000-05:00

First and foremost!
BIG CELEBRATION!
THIS IS THE 301 BLOG ENTRY INTO THIS .... THE ADVENTURES OF SLAG BOY BLOG!

Let's recap.

Slag boy... still slaggin'

Mary Marple and Marvin Dimple Smith... expecting their 2nd child.... any day now!

B the King... a song writing machine

M. Colkins enjoying the presence of her most favorite person on the planet... and his family... in fact... she actually enlisted in ... one scary night, into creating some original t-shirts and a simple website to celebrate his arrival... (see www.padthenomad.com)

hmmmmmmmm

Idaho? Rosie? Still working and hopefully enjoying the blog and the long summer!

Who am I missing? Kittie... are you out there?

Oh, of course.... Claire Calinda... my attorney, without whom I would not be without slag.

Anyway... what better way to celebrate the 301st entry then by proclaiming some extraordinary and exceptional news!

THE LOCAL SUPER STOP AND SHOP ................................DELIVERS!

That's right.... GONE! are the nights I come home and corral my three little tired urchins into the mini-van and herd them down aisle after aisle amidst whines and complaints and plaintive wheedling for treats! GONE! GONE! GONE!

That's right! I ordered my weeks worth of groceries online. I paid for it with my debit card... and I scheduled the delivery... FOR TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Do you know what they charged me?

Do you?
Do you?

$6.95

Let me spell that out..... Six Dollars and Ninety Five Cents.... Can you imagine... Can you believe it! I AM IN AWE! $6.95 to deliver a weeks worth of groceries...

I just shaved a HUGE chunk of stress and aggravation out of my life... from the long line of shoppers waiting to make their purchase at the single cashier that is open of the 200 available cash registers.... to the tandem style shopping cart method I have had to adopt to provide enough seating for the children who HATE FOOD SHOPPING BECAUSE THERE ARE NO TOYS... ha ha ha ha ha

ALL OF THAT IS BEHIND ME.

....sigh...... Once again.... all is right with the world.

NOW... If I could just relieve myself of the one last BANE to my existence.... I would enter an actual state of Zen.......

The laundry.

Yes, the laundry

This inanimate pack of clothes pummels my reserve to keep a clean house and piles itself unmercifully... laundry basket upon laundry basket in the corner of my room... whether clean or dirty... it always exists! Sometimes it creeps onto onto my bed...

Perhaps I should tap into the as yet untapped slight OCD tendency of one of my babysitters! BWAAAA HAAAA HAAAA The last time she babysat, she cleaned my house while the kids slept. Oh sweet sweet zen!

Have a great day
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

It's a set up... I tell you!

2007-08-12T06:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, slag boy called. I heard my daughter say, "I miss you Daddy" followed by, "That sounds like a good idea, I will tell Mommy"

Then she handed me the phone, he asked when I am going to bring the kids... my daughter looked up and said, "Oh Mommy, Daddy said you can bring us to visit him on Friday and we can all stay for the weekend"

Click... I hung up the phone.

OK, let me back up. He called and said to me: Are you bringing the kids tomorrow. I said, NO. He said to give him one good reason.... AND HERE IS WHERE I LOSE MY GRIP.... Instead of saying, because you are lazy and if you want to see your children, you can get off your ass and get in your car and drive the hour to see them! ... nope that's not what I said, I chickened out and told him I needed to stay close to home because Mary Marple is having a baby ANYDAY!

-------------
After I hung up the phone... Mary Marple and I discussed the situation... She said that she thought I could use the break. She thought it would be ok for me to drop them off for the weekend, so I could have some time to myself. (WAIT! M. COLKINS... DON'T GET ALL RILED UP) Mary Marple believed that if something happened like he couldn't handle the kids or one of the kids didn't want to stay and continued to cry (like I would guess my 4 year old would) He would be forced to drive them back.

Here is the problem. He doesn't give a shit about anyone. If, in fact, my 4 year old was having a hard time staying there without me, he would berate her for being a cry baby or a whiner and would certainly NOT take her back to my house. He may even, get a babysitter and take the oldest out and leave the other 2 with a sitter (a sitter with questionable skills... perhaps a drinking buddy... ) He has often in the past told me ... "Kevin said he would watch the kids" or "So and So said he would watch the kids" .... right..... like that's going to happen.

Now... aside from his shitty parenting skills... he has the TOTAL LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY. I guess this is the crux of the matter. NOTHING is ever his fault. If my daughters are babysat by a in appropriate sitter... it is my fault. Not because I hired the sitter, but because I divorced him and made the sitter a necessity.

What a great life... eh? Never being responsible for ANYTHING that goes wrong. OH YES, you can take responsibility for things that actually work out... but how nice to not be accountable for anything!

How does this affect me now?

In the last 3 months... he still hasn't purchased car seats. If I don't lend him my car seats he will put the kids in his car without car seats. If there is an accident... it will be my fault.

Child Care, he hasn't paid me a dime towards the sitters or preschool that I have had to pay for to go to work... that's because it's my fault I need to pay that... If I hadn't left....

Him not seeing the kids. Since I won't bring the kids to visit him... he hasn't been able to see his kids. In fact, I would guarantee that the story at the local bar is that ... I WON'T let him see his kids.

So, yes, I could use a break. The other problem with bringing my children to see him... is that if I EVER bring them then it will become the norm. He will no longer feel obligated to come and see them and will continue (as he is doing now) to blame me for why he hasn't seen his kids. In fact, he tells the children during his infrequent phone calls... that they will do all kinds of things as soon as MOMMY brings them down for a visit.

Also, I think that if I start to bring them... then he can always turn around and tell a judge, "Well your honor, she was bringing the kids to visit... so I didn't see any reason for me to drive up there"

OH..... deep breath! The sun is shinning through the gorgeously tall trees in my backyard! There is a slight nip to the air... Life is Good. Slag Boy is a Jerk.... but life is good, and life without him is even better!

Have a great day!

Come visit me

2007-08-10T09:58:00.001-05:00

Hello.
I am putting this in the blog so I can remember it... because I am sure it will come up.

Slag Boy just called.

He asked if I received the new insurance cards, I said yes. I then handed the phone over to the kids and walked into the other room. My 4 year old handed me the phone and he said, "When are you going to bring the kids to visit?"

Me: "I wasn't planning on bringing them to visit"

Him: "Well, how about we plan something for next weekend"

Me: "Honestly I don't have any reason to bring the kids to your house, why don't you come and pick them up"

Him: "What you don't want to waste the gas?"

Me: "No, it's not the gas, why would I bring the kids to see you? What reason do I have for bringing the kids to your house. You have every reason in the world to come here"

Him: "Well, you could visit J-Bman for the weekend"

Me: "You want me to bring the kids to you and let them stay over for the weekend? You know, it might be different if you were really going out of your way to come and see them.... You know, driving here 1 - 2 days a week to visit, but what has it been? Going on three months and you have come to see them 3 - 4 times?"

Him: "Oh, so you are going to be like that. You are the one that moved all of the way up there"

Me: "All of the way? It's an hour and 15 minutes... and only 30 minutes from your work"

Him: "No way, it's a minimum of 1 hour and 45 minutes in traffic"

Me: "Yeah, well thanks for calling, bye now"

Him: Click
-------------------------
You know, he hasn't been to visit the kids since July 27th. AND today was the second time he called and spoke with them since that date.... That's 2 full weeks since he has seen his children.

If I remember correctly the divorce judgement allows him visitation every wednesday evening and all day Sunday. EVERY WEEK.

I know why he wants them for the weekend, because it's convenient... AND he doesn't even want to go out of his way to come and pick them up! Jerk Van Winkle strikes again.

Well, my 4 year old was a little scared. She said she didn't want to sleep over at daddy's house without me. He didn't mind visiting, but she didn't want to sleep over unless I was there.

He doesn't have overnight visitation for 2 reasons.... #1) he didn't ask for it #2) I didn't want him to because he has a drinking problem (as you know)

OK... I'm over it, although my heart is still pounding away in my chest.

Have a great day!

Quick note...

2007-08-07T07:28:00.001-05:00

I interrupted during the previous entry... you know, raising three kids and all! HA HA HA HA HA I just re-read the entry and will not edit it... although it does sound more angry then I feel this morning. Which is another great reason for keeping a blog. It reminds me how I felt at the moment...

It's funny how easy it is to convince ourselves of things... the least of which (which is really the most of which) might be that it really wasn't as bad as I thought... that I was making a big deal out of nothing.. FEAR NOT...

I NEVER DOUBT THAT I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION. (well, maybe never isn't the right word..... maybe doubt isn't either) let me put it to you this way..... If there is ever a moment where I question my decision to get a divorce..,. I simply have to think about where I would be... (the total picture of where I would be) and I sigh with relief that I am no longer there... and more importantly.. my three daughters are no longer there!

Well, it's off to work.

Have a great day!

Oh Well, he is not dead

2007-08-06T18:06:00.000-05:00

I was hoping... it has been 10 days since we received a phone call or anything... and I had hoped that the obituary stating my ex-husbands name... had simply gotten his age and address wrong.. and was in fact... My X! But alas, twas not so.

He called. the big jerk. He said he sent me 2 weeks of child support payments and then spoke to all three kids. I have not stooped to listening on a different extension... but I think I might. I argued with myself... I don't want to be that person... but from what I heard on this side of the phone... he was chiding my 6 year old daughter for not calling him.

SHE IS 6! That jerk.

AND

I don't know how he worded it.... but my 6 year old said that he said they could come to his house and stay over night. She said I could bring them there. Who knows. I think next time, I'm going to listen.

Well, atleast supposedly the check is in the mail.

What an a-hole... Aarrrrgggghhhhh

Gotta go.

The great freezer debacle!

2007-08-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

This is the first time in my LIFE.... I exploded a can of anything in a freezer. Yesterday evening I put NOT 1..... NOT 2....... BUT 3 cans of diet Pepsi in the freezer to cool off.

This morning..... I found stalagtites and stalamites of frozen brown soda decorating the whole

interior of my freezer.

M Colkins, (who talked me through the cleaning) advised me that she has frozen many of beer in the past... which I would have taken, because as I explained to her.... Beer is basically clear. I can ignore clear stalagmites and stalagtites.... I could not ignore...

Well.....
Here are the pictures!

Here is a full view!

Yup.... I froze those bad boys... they didn't just pop their tops... I compromised the integrity of the can design... and they busted out the side!

And so... I will leave you with this....

FIRST: All those hamburgers in the freezer are for the party. I don' t want you thinking that the kids and I go through 36 hamburgers a week! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

SECOND: Here is what it looks like now.

I guess it's the thought that counts

2007-08-03T06:07:00.000-05:00

M. Colkins... in effort to snap me out it... bequeathed me her garage (should she succumb to an unexpected firey death) And I know it was intended to make me laugh... out loud... which it did... because friends... M Colkins' garage leans on a distinct and precarious slant. The only thing holding up the poor dear, is a fence post. I don't know how much concrete they poured when they originally installed that fence post... but it aint' going anywhere. AND SO, neither is the garage. HA HA HA

Shout out to B the King, who stopped over after work to share some great work news... and eat strawberries... Which got me to thinking... The last time he ate anything we were emptying out the fridge in the basement of the old house... and marvelling at the expiration dates. If I remember correctly, I had an unopened jug of V-8 in the fridge, with a date that was over 2 years old! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA I think I saw simple life forms swimming around in it! HA HA HA HA HA HA

My nephews tested the Minute Maid Lemonade frozen juce treats... they were only a mere 1 year over expiration... I'm glad Mary Marple Smith wasn't there to witness my flagrant disregard for expiration dates! In fact.... I just recently purchased some marinated baby-back ribs (for the kids birthday party this weekend) and in the instructions it says to save the juice and baste the meat while it's cooking.... MMS would FREAK! I recently suggested basting a london broil on the grill with the marinate left in the zip lock bag .... and that's a big NO NO. NO problem... atleast she got me thinking. I'm actually checking labels.

Which brings me to the next topic.... THE LAND OF PERPETUAL DISCOUNT AND RECENTLY EXPIRED CHOCOLATES. It's called: Amazing Savings (I just checked the bags) But wait it gets better... their slogan? Whad 'ya get? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

OK, so, I got sucked into the store and had to go Aisle by Aisle.... it was like a cross between a CVS and Dollar store gone haywire. it was right next to Party City... so I figured I would stop in their first to check it out before I spent 100K at Party City! HA HA HA HA So, I found My Little Pony.. authentic My Little Pony dolls for under $2.00. They looked like they were supposed to be in happy meals, or cereal boxes... but who cares. I found transformers.. things like that... very very cool. I found Lennox (I checked with M Colkins on the phone... we were crakcing up... because although it looked like the real thing... logo and all... the real thing only has 1 "N") HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

So, on the last aisle is the candy. Some of it was scary looking... literally... it had halloween characters and ads on it! Then the others... like the Dove chocolates... looked good. So I was checking it out... and found that the "best buy" date ... was 7/07... and today was 8/3/07! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA AH

So, I spent about $50.00 getting stuff for goody bags for the kids and then I moved on over the Party City, which I prompty dropped another 50 bomb and then some.... because I had to buy THREE piñatas. Next year we are going to make them... You know what... it's going to be totally worth it...and they will only be "birthday party" ages for a couple more years... what the heck.

They are really looking forward to the party. Of course, primarily because there is the potential for more presents. AND I think my oldest is looking forward to seeing a couple of friends.

--OOoopps almost typed out slag boy's name: I haven't heard hide nor hair from him since last friday. YEAAAHHHHHHHH. I don't know how he can live like that. oh well, it's his life.

Happy Birthday to Claire Calinda my fantastic attorney! If Bon Jovi happens to read this blog... could you do me a favor and stop by Claire's house

OK. Gotta go
Have a great day
Great weekend!
Hope for a nice sunny day on Sunday... with unseasonable temps of 70-80... slight breeze, no humidity (you know, if your hoping.. you might as well go all out! right?)

Appreciation Day

2007-08-02T04:29:00.000-05:00

Well... This morning as I logged into my Yahoo... I read about the tragedy in Minneapolis.. where a bridge collapsed. A bridge bumper to bumper with rush house traffic... As most of you know, I don't get much of an opportunity to read or watch the news.

It's unfortunate, but the news is usually NEVER appropriate for children to watch. AND, I don't get a newspaper because #1) I can never remember to bring the newspapers out for recycling #2) I doubt I would have to time to read anything but the headlines... so, as funny as it sounds, I really do rely on the eye catching headlines that Yahoo or Google put out there for me.. (yup, just for me! :)

Anyway... I just wanted to take a second to remind you all.... You are all appreciated! I appreciate you and thank you for whatever level of support or comfort you have provided to me. My life is richer for having had your influence.

Now go spread the love!

--yeah, I'm a big mushy ball of love this morning. I sob at hallmark commercials... so you can imagine the scene as I read the details of the bridge tragedy--

Anyway... Thanks for being there. Have a great day! Enjoy your day, enjoy your co-workers, enjoy your family, enjoy the weather, enjoy your car ride.... and always... always... always... look on the bright side... it will get brighter!

(too preachy? sorry. It's just one of those days) I just wanted this blog entry to be ALL ABOUT YOU!

IT'S APPRECIATION DAY!

HAVE A GOOD ONE
LIVE SLAG FREE!

My attorney ROCKS!

2007-07-31T05:59:00.000-05:00

My attorney have written several well crafted and scathing letters to my X via his attorney...
She is the best attorney on the planet!

It's not that I'm a wuss... it's just that he calls me up and says mean things, and I don't want to say something I will regret in front of the kids.

You know what. He's a big bully. That's what he is. He's a big manipulative bully... and Claire Calinda with the firm Levin Cyphers... --phone (732) 240-0909-- doesn't take any crap and it is clear... that she doesn't like Big Bullies! APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE

P.S. I spoke to my old neighbor yesterday and she told me that she spoke with Slag Boy on Friday. (the day after he visited for my 4 year olds birthday) She said that slag boy told her that the kids will be coming to visit him soon. Very interesting... isn't it.

OK
The sun is shining on my freshly cut lawn... the birds are chirping as the sun peeks through the lofty boughs of the oaks and maples in the yard. Life is good. Life is Slag Free.....

After I finish this entry. I am going to take a look at this time last year. That's why I love this blog. Being able to see where we (the kids and I) were.... seems to make where we are... so much brighter and sunnier and happier!

have a great day!

Shout out to my friends at the wizard of Oz

2007-07-29T10:11:00.001-05:00

Hey Orth! Glad to hear your voice and know that I don't have to go over the WHOLE Sordid tale... when you have a blog to read! HA HA HA HA HA HA

Here's the latest

#1) I have changed my home phone voice mail for 2 reasons: I have been accused that it is too perky and my mother is constantly chastizing me for some gramatical error... an error in grammar... can you imagine? (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha) Fortunately, there is no punctuation in the spoken word... if there were.... my voice mail message would have a lot of red squiggley lines underneath (signifying spelling errors) HEY... know what. I'd just turn off the darn spell check!

#2) I got money. not all the money, but I got child support and alimony payments for the month of July. Nothing for June (because apparently in Jerk Van Winkles mind, since I didn't clean the house... we never really moved out... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... too bad he didn't get a deposit when we moved in.. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA)

#3) Apparently slag boy has convinced himself that all of the lies are true (here is a brief list: I inherited 1 million dollars; I am part owner of the computer business where I currently work; I am making $300.00/hr; .... and more. How do I know this? Because slag boy has requested copies of my pay stubs so that he can have the child support re-evaluated. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA That's a laugh... You know if he put half the effort he puts into trying to get something from me into the house he lives in... he would have a mansion. Hopefully, someone will explain to him that I don't have millions of hidden dollars stashed somewhere in an off-shore bank account.

#4) He has launched his "You bring the kids to me to visit" campaign. He came for a visit on Friday (which was the last of the three summer birthdays) and I heard him answer several queries from the kids with, "We can do that when you mother brings you to my house for a visit" I also heard, "Sure, you can sleep over and have a slumber party at my house when your mother brings you down" and the best... primarily because I live 1 block from a lake stocked with fish...."Well, I'll take you fishing when Mommy brings you to my house for a visit"

After filling the kids up on this type of wishful thinking... he then approached me with, "So, when are you going to bring the kids to my house to visit?" To which I replied, "I don't know" which appeased him for 5 minutes, until he returned and asked the same exact question again... This time I was more specific... I said, "Honestly, I was going to... So I haven't given it any thought" which after saying that... I did think.... and I thought... Hmmmmmm You want me to drive the kids to visit you...

Let's see. how about "no". Not because I'm a jerk... but because he seems to be putting in a visit every other week or so. AND I think that might even be because of the birthdays. I wonder what will happen now, that he doesn't have a birthday visit coming up. It's interested... but I'm a fair person. I could see if he was actually seeing the kids on the days and with the frequency of what's listed in the divorce judgement... then I would probably offer to drop them off... if he brings them back.

Let's face it. He doesn't want the kids for the day. He puts so little thought into his visitation.. he hasn't even purchased car seats... he borrows mine! He asks me what they can do together... All he can ever think to do with them is take them to eat or to Toys R US... I have made suggestions, like fishing, swimming, a walk around the lake, place frisbee at the park (or try) or go for a hike at a local park... or go visit his relatives in the area or his friends...

Uh Oh.... I'm complaining... aren't I? Sorry. I really don't need to complain. I probably won't see him for another 2 weeks. (at least) and as long as he signs the consent order that the probation department is requiring, then I will be getting his money automatically.... and I will only have to discuss Child Care with him... So... all in all.... LIFE IS GOOD!

Kids are happy!

I am happy!

Life is good!

Life is SLAG FREE

Jerk Van Winkle lives up to his name

2007-07-28T05:12:00.001-05:00

Good Morning. It's 6:12am. and once again I am as glad as I have ever been to not be married to slag boy anymore. Here are the highlights of the last two day:

Thursday
He called to tell me:
He will break me financially if I don't stop messing around
Why don't I just talk to him like a human being instead of sending him letters
I must be smoking crack if I think he is going to pay for child care, since I am the one that left and is living the life of reilly

oh there is more... but those ar the funny highlights. AND, I thought about it... I probably am living the life of reilly... which I suppose me living a life happily... maybe not carefree... but definitely happily! HA HA HA HA

Friday
He showed up for my 4 year old's birthday. He said to the kids... not to me...
When mommy brings you to visit me I will take you fishing and swimming at the beach and youse can all sleep over
(in response to a question one of the kids asked... which was asked in a human tone of voice, and answered in a booming... I want you to hear this from the other room tone of voice) When mommy brings you to visit we can do all that.
He asked me when I was going to bring them to visit, I told him I didn't know. He asked again and I said, I didn't know because I really hadn't thought about doing it.
He made a comment about the ethnicity of the people living in the town I moved to.. it's really pretty bad so I'm not going to repeat it.
He handed the kids gifts, directly from the toys r us bag (not wrapped)
he handed me a check for $1500.00 which is $800.00 shy what he owes, but it's a start
and here's the best.....

First of all... in case you didn't know... he comes into the house. He acts like he is visiting a relative or a friend. EVEN THOUGH I have the kids ready to leave, he still comes in and sits down... after his long 30 minute drive. (yeah, 30 minutes from his work to my house) Anyway,

he says: Do the kids have strep
Me: No

Him: Are you sure
Me: Why?

Him: Because I think they gave me strep
Me: what are you talking about?

Him: I have these red sores on my tongue.
he proceeds to open his mouth and stick out his tongue. Friends.... it looked like the cow tongue you see at the deli counter ... except perhaps it had been left out a couple of days. It was huge, cracked with red sores all over it. I shrinked back in disgust
Me: Put that away, that's disgusting. I'll go google something... that's gross (I mostly wanted to google to make sure that he didn't have someone he was going to give the kids)

he followed me

Him: Well, it's from the kids
Me: How do you figure

Him: I got it the last time I was here
Me: How is that possible. It it took that long to manifest (Big word... I watched him struggle with it)

Him: I felt it as I was leaving here last visit
Me: (thinking... that was 15 days ago... hhmmmm... and it hit you on the way home... me personally if my tongue was covered in painful sores, I wouldn't wait 15 days before going to the Dr., but I said) You need to go to the Dr. They could be canker sores or something.

Him: what ever, I got them from the kids
Me: Hey... maybe orange juice will make them feel better (thinking he might have scurvy.. ha ha ha ha ha ha)

Finally they left. I then spent the next 2 hours ALL ALONE.... not working, not cleaning, not answering any questions, no cooking.... what did I do? I leisurely browse through the local Home Good Store.... it was Nnniiiiicccceeeeeeeeeee

He calls frantically, babbling something about missing the exit and honestly, he is probably the worst person with directions in the country. Not only does he have a terrible sense of direction, but he freaks out about it and can't control himself. He starts going off about how this is my territory and of course he is lost... blah blah blah Meanwhile I hear my 6 year old in the background saying, Daddy turn around, that's our road. Turn around... ha ha ha h aha ha

I am asking him where he is... he can't even tell me what highway he was on... nothing. It was hysterical. And my 6 year old is still saying... "daddy, turn here. turn here. that's the way" as it turns out... my smart little cookie 6 year old, was able to talk him in... HA HA HA HA HA

Good NEWS: He handed over a check which covered child support and alimony for July. He did not pay for the 2 weeks in June or for his portion of child care.

Slag Boy and his attorney want to review child support to make sure that the $200.00/week isn't too much! HA HA HA HA yes, that's right. I forgot to tell you, THursday he asked me how much I was making. I asked him why? He said that he is going to have the child support lowered because he thinks he is paying too much... HA HA HA HA I said, "Well, you can't much lower than zero... so, good luck" HA HA HA HA

I know, that he is pissed that he actually had to pay me money... but honestly. He thinks $200.00 a week for 3 children is too much? lovely.

OK... The sun is coming up, I have the tunes cranked.... I won't have to deal with slag boy for another 2 weeks or so... maybe longer since all of the birthdays are over. Life is good!

Have a great day

The Crack Accusation

2007-07-25T05:06:00.001-05:00

First let me say, today has the makings of a beautiful day. It's about 6:06am and the sky is a pretty pink blue. I am typing while I am looking out onto my backyard and deck and I almost can't help sighing a nice content sigh when see the view.

So... seeing all this... feeling all this contentment is in no way blunted by anything slag boy says or does... because I don't have to look at him... I don't have to smell him... and he hasn't been around since the 12th. (which will be two weeks tomorrow)

He called yesterday when he got my letter (did I tell you? I wrote him a letter requesting that he pay the child support, alimony and child care in arrears of $2500.00 - I also enclosed a dental bill for our oldest that got forwarded to me) Anyway, He called and said, "What's this I owe you $2500.00, what are you on crack?" I said, "yeah, that's it." Then he started to tell me to submit the dental bill to the insurance, to which I explained that the dentist had done that and the amount due is the balance... He insisted his insurance pays it all, I insisted it didn't and he can resubmit it if he wants, but in the 8 years we were married, I have always had to pay the balance after insurance... Then he revisited the "crack" allegation... He was said something along the lines of "I don't know where you come up with $2500.00, but you must be on crack"

Let me just pause here... friends, family, blog acquaintances.... The letter I sent him included a table. The table had 4 headings: Date, Child Support, Alimony, Child Care.
Each row listed the week he missed and how much he owed for that week. AND the very bottom had a total per column... then a grand total of everything added together... So, to ask me "where I came up with the total" is stupid. (but then we knew that)

He said he will be giving me money on Friday when he comes to visit the kids "for July". Which is funny since we were out of the house since the middle of June. Well, I'll take whatever he has, but it's not going to be considered full payment unless it's $2500.00... and even then it will be $500.00 short of what is due, because another week will have been added. Yeah, that seems like a lot of money... but it's only $200.00 for child support, $150.00 for alimony and $150 for Child Care.

AND... what's holding up the courts? Apparently the probation department didn't like the wording of the divorce judgement and felt that it was slightly ambiguous... so they needed My Thank-God-He-Is-My-X (TGHIMX) to sign something like an agreement... but it doesn't matter. It looks like I will have to go to court to get him to pay.

M Colkins said it best, "Unless you want the money coming in in Dribs and Drabs, you need it coming out of his check"

My attorney -bless her Bon Jovi loving heart- has been helping me with the latest issues, without charging me the enormous fees... I don't think TGHIMX will be going to his attorney to sign anything, because frankly, I don't think he paid his attorney. I really don't.

OK. Well I have to go.

Have a great day!

Remember: Even a day without money... is a better day, then one with a slag boy!

slaggy strikes again

2007-07-23T18:12:00.001-05:00

Not just a gentle nudge at the truth... but a full throttle, hammer down pummeling of the truth.... just tumbled out of his mouth ... through my new FioS connection and into my delicate ears (That were just recovering from the last 8 years of being pummeled by lies)

As it turns out.

Slag boy did not forget to call or visit his children this Sunday.

He was "working"

and

Apparently I was fully aware of that.

We don't talk that much to each other anymore, so I am able to remember which great clarity the moments which we do communicate.... and this is my recollection:

ME - Sunday 7-15 "What's going on?"
HIM - "What do you mean?"

ME "I thought you were going to see the kids or call or something"
HIM "Well I'm busy painting"

ME "I thought you were going to call if you weren't going to come"
HIM "I forgot"

---------

monday or tuesday
ME "When are you going to visit the kids"
Him" I don't know one day this weekend

ME "OK, well if something comes up on one of the days, I'll let you know"
HIM" OK"

----------
I called him up on Wednesday and left a message on his voice mail that the kids were invited to a birthday party on Saturday so he will have to visit them on Sunday
---------

TODAY
ME: What's going on?
HIM: What do you mean?

ME: I thought you were going to see the kids yesterday?
HIM: I told you I had to work

ME: No you didn't you said you were going to see them
Him: No, I had work to do. You said you were going to have them Friday and I had work to do this weekend

Me: Whatever.
Him: Oh, it's going to be like that?

ME: Are you going to see them this week?
Him: Of course, I'm coming friday after work to take them to dinner for _____'s birthday

Me: What time are you going to be here?
Him: After work

Me: What time do you get off work?
Him: 3:30 or maybe I'll leave earlier like 2:00

Me: Fine, what time will you be here?
Him: After work.

Me: when will you know when you are leaving on Friday?
Him: Thursday

Me: Good, then call me thursday to let me know what time you are going to pick them up on Friday.
Him: Ok, I will call.
--------------------------------

Non of that is unexpected... right?
Here's the part that you are goign to love!

I just mailed a certified letter stating the amount he owes me (as of last saturday $2500)and asking him to come up with a way to get current on his payments. I am really looking forward to seeing him on Friday. I have to find my mini-tape recorder! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
this should be a good one... perhaps, I will invest in one of those answering machines that records conversations! HA HA HA HA HA

OK, enough day dreaming.

enough complaining.
Talk to you all soon
Have a great day!
I know I will!

Rock On ...

2007-07-21T06:34:00.000-05:00

Good Morning.... Well, it is almost a chore to sit down and continue to update my blog.

It's funny how when things are going good... it's hard to find the time to share.... but when things are going bad.... I could barely find time for anything else... I guess it's how I deal with stress. Good Stuff... I don't need so much help dealing with.... the bad stuff.... I was gonna explode!

Anyway, because the limited contact that I have with slag boy... is well.... limited. AND although every moment on the phone or in person is something out of the twilight zone... it's nothing new or unexpected and quite frankly... I'm done. Hopefully I will start to receive some child support soon... or I will have to start up an eBay store selling off the kids booty from Toys R Us... his favorite place to go while visiting them! (snicker snicker).

I had the Western Termite & Pest guy out yesterday to determine whether the brown longish beetle thing I was finding in my house was something that was visiting or living with us... As it turns out. It's a ground beetle, and he wasn't interested in anything I was serving up... he has simply gotten in from outside.

Now, let me clarify. I say he.... as if there were only 1. not so.

I'm not a true bugophobe. (M Colkins... wins that one hands down, She has her back yard treated for.... bugs) But I was concerned that I kept finding these dead things... and I honestly didn't know if they were some kind of cockroach or something.

THANKFULLY, the exterminator was able to identify the little guy and told me that he is seasonal.... as in he will be there any season he can survive... (which means all of them but winter)

Yesterday I got a care package from Maine. It was a huge Whoopie Pie. -[A whoopie pie is generally about the size of your palm. It's two chocolate cake cookies with sweet white icing inside... the icing inside is like a cross between an oreo cookie and twinkie. And there's like an inch of that stuff. Then the whole thing is wrapped in saran wrap so that the wrapping further squishes everything together] So, I received a HUGE whoopie pie, (apparently they were featured on Oprah) from a friend in maine. I personally am NOT partial to whoopie pies.... my children will eat anything that even remotely resembles chocolate or dessert.

I apologize for not providing the before picture.... but I absolutely have the after picture! HA HA HA HA

It started out fine.... I cut them all a piece. Then when my back was turned, someone took a fist ful of cake from the top.... and it was a huge free for all. YES, all while my back was turned. In fact, (it's really laughable) One minute they are eating quietly at the table and I am vacuuming in the other room... I return to the kitchen and walk by the table....

The cake is demolished, they all have chocolate ALL OVER THEM... but they are quietly and studiously eating from their plates with forks... as if nothing had happened. As if I couldn't see .... oh, it was so funny.

--------
My 6 year old was telling me how to "sign" - I LOVE YOU.

She said, " Mom, first you make a fist, then you hold up your pinky and your thumb." She paused to maneuver her fingers. Then continued, "This means I love you.... and if you shake your hand like this, it means, ROCK ON"

I laughed so hard!
--------

BIG sale at JC Penney. I went online and purchased blackout roller shades for almost all of my windows. I need to get rid of the venetian blinds... because of the hazard of the cords. It took me a long time to decide to do that... there were so many choices, but I had to really look at the options, because most of the shades have cords... except the cordless ones (duh) and they were pretty expensive. So... I got some pretty colors in the roller shades, then I figure I will hide them behind some nice curtains. Mary Marple Smith and I are going to the Mall to check out the curtains in person. That should be fun. Anyway... if you are reading this blog this weekend... make sure you check out the jcpenney online. they have a TON of sales.

---------

Well, I spent 5 hours on the phone yesterday with Verizon. I spoke to Verizon Communications, Verizon DSL and Verizon Wireless. They messed up my move so badly that I decided it was worth the time and effort to get some credit. YES... for the amount of credit I will be receiving I basically paid for the 5 hours it took me to be on the phone... but atleast it will help my dwindling checking account!

Now I have Verizon Fios. I love it. It comes out about $30.00 cheaper then when I had Verizon home phone, DSL and Direct TV satellite. Of course, that's only for 1 year. However, I'm pretty confident that with the way the competition is trying to win back my business... that they will probably extend my service package for another year.

Yeah I know... this is pretty boring stuff... I'm just trying not to GO OFF about the problems that I had with verizon and the move. But it looks like, all in all, I will be getting about a $150.00 credit, when everything is considered... Which will go a long way towards the $356.00 in charges that I accumulated during the move (most of that is due to have to pay a month in advance blah blah blah blah... but then I had to increase my cell phone service because they screwed up the order and I didn't have a phone for a while) ... ooopppsss... I'm getting aggravated.

---------------
One more BIG step to make. I have to find a preschool for the younger two. I have an appointment next week. Hopefully, the one right around the corner will be good. I'm not sure. We will have to see. I'll keep you updated.

Have a great day!

Blog Fodder

2007-07-12T17:07:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh yes, Marvin Dimple called it... each visit is nothing but father fodder...

Here is a snap shot of the last 2 hours.

He called at 4:00 to find out where I am... NOW, he called me on the home phone... so I gave him a "duh stupid" tone of voice and explained that I was home. Then he explained that he didn't see my FORD WINDSTAR MINI-VAN PARKED IN THE DRIVEWAY.

So, the kids were all asleep, taking a late nap... they had swim lessons, then because today is my youngest birthday (she is now officially 3) we went to Toys R Us.. These kids were plumb tuckered out from the fun and frolicking... So, let me back up... He called on Monday and told me he was coming her Thursday for "the birthday", So, I asked he was going to do with the kids.. and he basically said more or less that he expected to hang out in our house and have cake and open presents and stuff... So, I suggested he take them to dinner.

He showed up today with plans to take them to Toys r us... ooopppsss, Well, you can never take three kids to Toys r us too often... but twice in 1 day? Anyway, he was going to take them McDonalds for dinner (you know the one with the play yard) but the two youngest didnt' want to go with him, so I suggested the local pizzaria and offered to go along... by the time we were done with the pizza the two youngest were getting excited about another trip to toys r us.

I gave him directions to the store. He has called me 3 times. He has named several roads... which if he were really near those roads, he would have to be moving at the speed of light... so I was really confused, until he referred to the road by my house by a name... so incredibly different than the name that it is... I started pretending that I was losing his cell phone signal ... ha ha ha

OK..., I didn't hang up.. I just needed to buy myself a little time to get collected. I told him to stop talking and for God's sake stop thinking. Just get back onto the main road, heading east and in 5-7 miles the Toys r us will be on the right.

I'm writing because.... The other day, he claims he spoke with his HR department and they confirmed that the child support and alimony would be coming out of his check as of this week. Which is INCREDIBLE, considering when I contacted the court... they had no record of issuing the order to deduct it... So, my guess is.... That he was talking to someone in the State Personnel Department... that was exactly like him. You know, I know a lot of employers have tests that they administer to prospective employees... I'd love to see that test.

They must use, reverse, reverse, reverse, pyschology... then they turn it upside down and dance on it.

So... Shout out to Idaho!

It does feel good! really good. I am so tired of constantly feeling the need to bitch and complain.. Now, I will try to take the time to fill the cyberspace with entertaining and happy stories....

WHERE IS SHC?

Have a great Friday and enjoy your weekend!

Now it's time tat the full story was told

2007-07-08T05:23:00.000-05:00

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

His story and pictures... are not for the faint of heart!

But wait... If we are going to start at the beginning, I will need to let Scary Hobo Clown (or Sad hobo Clown for the kids under 5) to tell his own story.... When last he was seen he was driving away in his little tykes red and yellow car. Has anyone seen him?
------------------------------

What a great weekend! Mary Marple and young'n came over yesterday and spent the day. First swimming in the lake, then chill'n at home. nnnniiiicccccceeeeeeeeee low key, low stress...

Slagisms... From Afar:

Slag: What are you doing Sunday?
Me: Nothing why?

Slag: I wanted to come see the kids
Me: OK, what time

Slag: Early
Me: OK, what time

Slag: Same time as last time
Me: OK, (pause ) So you will be hear at 8:00am?

Slag: No, the mall doesn't open until 10:00
Me: (i got nothin)
-------------------------
later in a different conversation

Me: So, what time are you coming
Slag: early

Me: (sigh) Would you just tell me what time you are going to be here.
Slag: Well, I have to leave at 7:30am to beat the traffic.

Me: .... the.... traffic?
Slag: Yeah, I don't want to get stuck in traffic

Me: ... in the ... Sunday morning... traffic going AWAY from the beach.
Slag: yeah (pause to take a nice deep toke on his marlboro)

Me: (thinking whatever).. I thought you weren't coming until 10:00 when the mall opened
Slag: Well, it takes me an hour and a half to get there

Me: OK, whatever
Slag: I'll take them fishing if I get there early

Me: If you want to take them for the day, you can take them to the beach at the lake, they love that
Slag: Good idea, Yeah I'll take them fishing, swimming then to the mall to get the stuff.

Me: [rrriiigghhhtttt.... let's start with just showing up] ok, see you then
------------------------------------

I will be high tailing it out of the house as soon as they leave, I am pretty sure he is only going to have them for about 2 hours. That's his limit.

No money yet... I forgot to ask if his paycheck reflected any money deducted... because I haven't received anything yet.

HOWEVER... I will say this... the birds are chirping... my kids are waking up... and this house and place is great! ESPECIALLY since it is slag free! LIFE IS GOOD.

Have a good one

Music Music and more Music

2007-07-06T05:58:00.000-05:00

Well, here it is guys.... now that my life is a bowl of cherries... I am going to spread the wealth!

Few of you know that B the King is an accomplished song writer. He collaborates with Dave Nachmanoff (http://www.davenach.com/). Dave is the voice and music behind B the Kings lyrics!

Here are some samples!

PAPAYA GIRL

Here are some others:

Bookend My Days

Simultaneous

Kerosene

________________

Marvin Dimple, Mary Marple.... whatta ya say, we put together a utube video for this little ditty... HEY... did you know, that I have Adobe CS3... which includes some nice video editing software! Bwaaaaaa haaa haaa haaaa (yes, I am a geek)

I was thinking we could start with Papaya girl, because it's summer and it's a really happy fun song.

Talk to you soon

Enjoy the happy music!

Life is Good!
Life is Slag Free!

Have a great Friday!

P.S. the music links are for highspeed connections... If you are using a modem (dialup) you can get a different link at the Dave Nach website.

Certified Sitters and other things

2007-07-05T05:40:00.000-05:00

B the Kind (humoring me as all my dear friends do.....) actually offered a name for my new online babysitter database... "Certifed Sitter" but alas, that URL has already been taken. I agree with B, that the word Certified is a great term... and trustworthy term.... AND If I was creating a website for pet sitting... I might go with Certified Critter Sitter... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA But I think parents might object to me calling their children critters... \

Oh my friends... I just saw the rattiest grey squirrel on my deck... that poor thing. Well, a couple more weeks of us living here and he will be Fat and Happy, just like the family of squirrels at our old house! HA HA HA HA HA HA

OK, back to the business at hand... i could use a little help. if you just want to spew the names out to me... I'd be happy to check them out. If you want to check them out yourself... you can take a look at www.godaddy.com and check to see if the name is available.

I heard from Slag Boy. He didn't know how to access the voice mail on the old phone number, so he called... duh... He is bragging about getting FIOS, but since he has referred to the package as including satelite and since his phone and TV are working but he just hasn't gotten the computer "isntalled" yet... My guess is, he got the Verizon DSL package that includes Directv satelite. (I know, you don't really care) What is hysterical is that he would call me for technical support. First, he needed to know the number to call to retrieve the voice mail messages. Then he needed to know the password... (which I told him is probably the last 4 digits of his phone number) Him having DSl is going to be hysterical! I especially since he thinks it's FIOS.. Anyway, I'm not going to be his technical support! HA HA HA HAHA HA I was thinking I would look up the number for him, but instead, I might look up the number for Dial-a-joke... and give that to him instead! AH HA HA HA HA

He said he will be visiting the kids on Sunday. He said his father gave him money to buy them birthday presents. This is the second time he has seen them since 6/16/07 and all he can think to do with them is to take them to the Mall.

I haven't received ANY money. I am going to calculate the money that he owes to this point... and if he doesn't hand it over, I guess I will have to start to requaint myself with the divorce judge! Bwaaaa haaaa haaaaaaa

That's about it. I am going to meet the kids new pediatrician today when I take my oldest daughter for her yearly check up. I'm a little leery of this practice, although the doctor was a referral from a friend... every time I call the phone is either busy or they aren't in the office... We shall see.

What's new with you guys? Now that my life is normal... and there is no need to laugh about the slaginator over coffee... let's here some funny things that happened to YOU!

Have a great day!

Back in the Saddle again!

2007-07-04T07:01:00.000-05:00

Well, friends family and loyal readers.... I have returned to the work force, and it's .... ok. In fact, I feel like I have never left. As most of you know, it's easier to go to work every day then it is to stay home and educate, entertain, raise three small children. That's why I don't begrudge my new babysitter a penny of what I pay her.

Slag boy is almost non-existent... He called me Monday because he got the voice mail set up on the home phone and he didn't know how to use it. Then today he called again for the same reason and almost as an afterthought he asked to speak to the kids. He hadn't spoken to them since June 29th. He hasn't mentioned (to me) if he is going to try to see them soon. That's a shame, because today is a holiday... I am sure that he isn't working today... Perhaps.... dare I say.... he has "the crew" coming to .... install doors! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Honestly, it's nice to not have to deal with him. Someone asked me if I felt like a weight had been lifted, and I didn't think so. I guess because my responsibility hasn't changed much.. but as I was typing this.. I realized that I hadn't had the need to make daily blog entries.. which basically means... that I didn't feel like complaining as much as I had... in retrospect... I recall there were times when Slag Boy aggravated/astounded/dumbfounded me several times in one day and I would run to my computer to vent! (on you my poor readers - well, I guess it's not like you didn't get anything out of it! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)

AND SO, an new Era has emerged.... The Slag Free Era! (Ahhhhhh Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh -to be sung in angelic a capella)

WELCOME to the slag freeness of the summer of 2007!

--Now to new business--
I am going to be developing a website that is going to allow parents in NJ access to a database of teachers that would like to work part-time as tutors or babysitters. I am looking for a domain name... something catchy, something easy to remember and something... available! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
If you have ideas, I'd love to hear them. PLEASE.

ALSO... Mary Marple and Marvin Dimple are a mere 7 weeks away from the due date of their new arrival (whom I have taken to calling Simon) To the best of my knowledge, they have not come up with a name that they LOVE.... Here are some ideas... We'd like to hear yours.

Carl
Travis
Tripp
Wendell
Warren Peace (did I say that one already... yup it's a favorite)
Painter
Cliff
Haggar
Daytona
Creek
Silton
Papscoe (we'd call him Pappy)

That's all I got!
Have a great day
Happy 4th of July!

AND GUYS.... Thanks a lot for helping me laugh at EVERYTHING over the last year!

Starting the Work Week

2007-07-02T04:50:00.001-05:00

Good Morning Everyone.

I am starting my new work week... sort of. Today I am going to a training gig that was set up last month. I offered to split it with my new boss but he told me not to worry about it... and that I could start IN THE OFFICE, tommorrow.

I know everything happens for a reason... but let me tell you... If my brother wasn't unemployed right now... my lawn may not be as tidy as it is... and my kids wouldn't be able to go to swim lessons at the Lake! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA H As it turns out, today is the first day, where they figure out where they are going to put all of the kids. AND, it just so happens that my babysitter today, doesn't drive. SO, she can't take the kids to the lake if she wanted to. My Bro (muscles McGilicuty) is going to meet me at my training gig, pick up my mini-van (which now has a nice scrape on the side from the car I sideswiped yesterday).. and take the kids to the first day of swim lessons for me... That's great because that means there will be a ton of forms to fill out...

Tomorrow is my first day in the office... my boss is delighted that I am coming on board... but hasn't given much thought as to WHERE I am going to plant my butt! No desk yet! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... The sitter I have for Tuesday is the one that I hired for the rest of the summer. She is local 8th grade teacher and very nice. SHE DRIVES...she can take the kids to the swim lessons...

Wednesday is a holiday.. I am going to try to take the kids to my friends family's July 4th celebration. It's not too far away, and I thought it would be nice for my kids to see some old friends... although it seems like my oldest gets very sad when she thinks about people from what we now refer to as "Her Dad's house". Speaking of Jerk Van Winkle... he called my oldest last friday on her B-day, and we haven't heard from him since.

I feel really terrible for the kids. But I could have guessed that was how it was going to play out. He seems content to talk to them about once a week. AND like I said, my oldest didn't want to talk to him, because talking to him reminded her that he wasn't around (which as we all know, just means physically around... sleeping or whatever) So... we shall see what this weekend brings. I haven't heard from him, so my guess is that he will either just show up.... or worse... not show up at all!

OH yeah, did I say I side swiped a car? I gotta go... talk to you all soon

Have a great slag free day! I know I will!

Greetings from Vacation!

2007-06-29T18:07:00.000-05:00

Well... My cellular reception is dicey at best... and the internet connection is 2 dial up numbers using Juno.com... but the kids are loving swimming and doing stuff with their grandparents, so I can try to swallow my technology jones for another couple of days.

Today my oldest daughter turned 6. WOW 6 years old. We enjoyed the homemade strawberry shortcake as her birthday cake. She has that every year... It's not easy to stick in the candles, but who cares... it's a tasty tradition.

Shout out to JOJO B-man who always gets boned on her b-day, (atleast from me) because she shares the birthday with my daughter... and for the last couple of years we have visited my parents for the week... So, she doesn't get a a visit... and drink out... nada. 'cept a phone call.

Lots' of things going on. I have 2 projects to finish up before Tuesday... that's when I return to work in an office... 3 days a week. I found a great babysitter for the summer. Here's how I figure it. I have a good 2 or 3 weeks to get into the groove... then I have a good 2 or 3 weeks of uneventful summer emjoyment, then the rest of the summer is all about the stress of getting ready for the up coming school year.

OK, I am giving myself 2 weeks to get a pre-school plan together and mailed to slag boy. He needs to pay for 1/2 of the preschool for the younger two.

Let me ask you a question...

Here's a what would you do... or what would you expect... scenario.

I am returning to work full-time. I am going to be paying $300.00 to have 3 of my children cared for during the 3 days that I am working in the office. The other 2 days, I will be working from home.

According to the divorce judgement, slag boy is required 1/2 of the child care when I get a job... the actual wording of the judgement says something like a mutually agreed upon child care.. because he didn't want me to enroll them in The Goddard School or something... Jerk.
Anyway, I think he will agree that $10./hr for 3 kids is a great price, but the babysitter is NOT registered with the state. So, technically he may not be obligated to pay. Maybe he won't care. Maybe he will. I'm going to send him a bill. right? (The babysitter is actually an 8th grade teacher, very nice and her references were great!) Come September he is in for a shock! It is going to cost me about that much for only 2 of the kids in a preschool. Oh well.

That's about it. Slag Boy called to speak to my 6 year old today. She didn't want to speak to him. I'm not sure why. I think it makes her sad, but I can't tell. She seemed happy to see him last saturday. I don't know. At least he called, I called him when we arrived and left him the number to make sure he couldn't use that as an excuse for not calling. I also spoke to him briefly today and he was surprised that we would be returning on Sunday. PERHAP, the crew is running a little behind schedule and the house will NOT look like a new house by the time we return to our home state... That's ok... it will probably be a couple of months, before he actually picks them up for longer than a few hours.

Ooops gotta go, it's the witching hour.. time for bed

I have my Juno Speedband ON... and...

2007-06-25T20:02:00.000-05:00

I am typing on a totally tweeked laptop... and the connection is less tham 56K! It's terrible. I have been getting kicked off teh dial up all day... there are only 2 numbers in this area of MAINE! That's right... I'm way way way up north!

ANyway, just an update, I know that I have relayed all of the sordid details, so I thought I would let you know that slag boy came on Saturday and spent 2 hours with the kids. He took them to the local mall and picked up birthday presents for them. Which actually worked out good, because he handed me a Sears Gift card for $500.00 to buy them clothes and stuff.

Well, since I am no long privy to his verbal meanderings, I can only speculate.. and my inclination is that he thinks my new house is a "crapper" and that he can't understand why I would leave him and his great house. (which by the way, he informed the girls that he is fixing up their rooms and that the whole house will be done by the time we return from vacation ... this sunday) ...right.... He didn't say it directly to me.. or I would have asked if he had installed any of the doors yet! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I suppose he finally was able to get his crew together! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Maybe I will have to contact my neighbor, and have her take a peek. HA HA HA Anyway you slice it, it's a shame that he couldn't take care of what needed to be done WHILE his children were living in the house.

Monday ... my last money before I return to the work force and I enter the world of the working single parent... Not that I don't already work, but have a 9 - 5 job is different than waiting for a company to call and schedule some consulting. Well, for instance... there is that steady pay check! HA HA HA HA HA

I am sooo tired. I was up at 5:00 and so were the kids. It is now 9:08 and I don't know how they are still awake... but I am BONE tired.

Have a great day! Enjoy the week ahead!

Talk to you all soon!

It is Paradise

2007-06-21T06:23:00.000-05:00

Well.... (long luxurious sigh of contentment) the house is great! The neighborhood is great! AND I have found a babysitter for the summer! Actually, I have found 2. They are both teachers and they are friends. They will tag team my babysitting needs until they have to return to teaching!

Life is good.

I found the Super Stop 'n Shop which, in addition to being only 2 miles from my house, has the full line of light cream!

The birds are chirping....
The Squirrels are scurrying
and I finally remembered to put the garbage out for pick up! (although I keep missing "mixed recyclables" ha ha ha ha ha ha)

Slag Boy has stated that he will be coming to visit the kids on Saturday. He said he will be picking them up early Saturday morning and taking them somewhere. He wanted to know what there was to do "up there". Here's what kills me. This man spent 35 years living within 20 minutes of our current house... and now all of a sudden... our new house is in God's Country... where there is nothing but corn fields and he won't have anything to do with the kids. (The truth of the matter is... besides the lovely lake a block away.... there is mostly highways, stores, and things to do!..... Not so much in the corn field category)

However, if I were inclined to let him hang out at the new house... he could enjoy watching the kids play in the pool or the slip 'n slide (cough ... cough... which apparently isn't for children anymore... you'se know who I am tawking about) BUT I'm not inclined... yet. He will have to prove that he will be seeing them regularly before I make it any easier for him.

Have a great day

LIVE SLAG FREE

It was a good try

2007-06-19T14:34:00.001-05:00

Slag boy just called. Just as I suspected, he thought I was going to bring the kids to come visit him... he was trying to lure me with descriptions of untold wealth I had left at the house.

I asked him:

ME: "How many boxes are there?"
Him: "I don't know, a lot"

Me: "Well, how many is a lot?"
Him: "The whole side of the basement is filled with boxes"

Me: "Then put them to the curb. I don't have room for anything else, and I pretty much took what we needed"
Him: "It's all garbage? Even the new speedo bathing suits that you left behind?"

Me: "Well, if you know it's something that the kids could use, then put it in a seperate box and ship it to me"
[This is where the truth surfaces..... right here folks... this is where the metal part of the rim his the rubber that hits the road]
Him: "Aren't you going to bring {oldest daughter} to see me for her birthday?" (FYI: that is June 29th, she will be 6)

Me: "Why don't you come visit her."
Him: silence

Him: "When are you leaving for Maine?"
Me: "Sunday"

Him: "OK, later" click

Let's see. He can't come on Friday because... that's his drinking night. He can't come on wednesday because.... hmmmm... that might be a drinking night. Thursday is out... because it's too close to being a drinking night... and Saturday, well saturday is hard... 'cause it might be a drinking afternoon.

My bet, he will try for thursday, and we are going to my nephews graduation. I didn't tell him that... because then he will use that as an excuse for why he couldn't see the kids. We shall see. We shall see.

Have a great day

Almost slag free

The power of Craigslist

2007-06-19T08:31:00.000-05:00

Good Morning.

Ahh.... the day is nice and sunny. The girls and I have already been to walmart to purchase our collapsable side swimming pool and slip 'n slide. Today Brittany comes to babysit the children while I work from home. It's kind of a test run for the summer. I put a posting on http://www.craigslist.com/ (New Jersey obviously, NOT SanFran) and within an hour I had people emailing me and calling me. I am not exagerating when I say, that I have about 15 emails and have received over 10 phone calls since the posting yesterday. I LOVE CRAIGSLIST!

I have several interviews with some teachers from the area that are looking for summer work. I think this is going to work out very well. Although Brittany is NOT a teacher, and does not have a drivers license... she has one very desirable thing.... She has an advanced knowledge of PhotoShop -which I just installed on my PC- ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (That's the geek in me!)

--It goes without saying that she had a great deal of babysitting experience and I met her mother when they stopped by yesterday.

Actually as it turns out, I may have found her some higher paying jobs teaching photoshop this summer, so I might still go with one of the other people (Per M. Colkins, I won't burn any bridges until I have met with everyone) The other nice thing is... she is available for the random night that I might want to go out! --CAN YOU IMAGINE? ME ACTUALLY GOING OUT... PERHAPS TO DINNER? PERHAPS TO SEE THE MELODIOUS STYLINGS OF George & Danny at The New Tejos' in North Arlington... (You can thank me later boys)

That's it for today.

life is good

Have a great slag free day!

Good Thing I got this Blog....

2007-06-18T19:54:00.000-05:00

Hello friends and faithful readers.

I am back... and I am FIBER OPTIC BABY! That's right... FIOS! True Quam, 3 different spectrums of light ... NOW THAT IS MARKETING FOLKS.... If you have the average joe walking around quoting your commercial.... THAT's advertising, congratulations Verizon... you needed the good advertising... but your scheduling service stinks!

So, I am back online. As most of you know, I have like 5 email addresses... and I am scared. I have only checked one of them... and it had 250 unread messages... and that didn't count the bulk folder! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I was able to pass right by the weightwatchers emails... because... well, we all know about my struggle with light cream.

[which, if I may digress, seems to be in short supply at my current domicile...
that's right. I went to one store... a SUPER Foodtown and they didn't even
HAVE light cream. I thought it must have been some kind of light cream
dairy strike... but when I returned several days later... they still didn't have
any and there weren't any spaces where the light cream was... you know... as if it was once there... but had been bought out.. It simply was never there.... SO... I went to the local Pathmark... Another big store. There was light cream... but no quarts. Only pints! PINTS?!? .... I bought two]

Anyway, So I skipped the weightwatchers and other various newsletters... and went right to the nitty gritty... My friends! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I got an email from my nephew(s) who remarked that the image from Micky the Chin on the website (www.slagboy.com) although funny was not bloody enough... this was coming from my nephew that would like to be referred to.... PyroDaBoy --

His whole comment reads: I think that there should be more blood in the message photo from Mickey the Chin. We get it, but i think a little MSpaint would do wonders.And can I be refered to as PyroDaBoy? My shnanigens @ da Beach have provided me with enough moxie to ask. Tanx.

I love those kids... I wouldn't have even published the comment because it almost gives you the wrong impression about them... but then..... he uses the word "moxie"... How can you not love an 18 year old that uses the word moxie... I ask you?

OK... Thanks again for the moving help. We are in. WE ARE SLAGFREE!

I called slaggy on Sunday (after a brief consultation with Marvin Dimple LSW&BIL) and left a message on his voice mail letting him know if he wants to speak to the kids (after all, it was fathers day) he could call because we would be home. He called several hours later and was pleasant. He said he wanted the house keys back, the EZ PASS and commented that I left a lot of kids stuff, which he would put in boxes and leave somewhere for me to pick up. (Nice) He talked to the kids for like a second, then he was gone.

This evening he called. He has been bugging me to call Verizon to have them turn the home phone back on at his house. You see.... The home phone was in my name. I had been paying it for months... and when we closed on the house, I had the number forwarded to my new number... so when you call the old number you get the message that the number has changed and it lists the new number. He called me last friday... (Yes, the same day that he was ranting and raving "the sauce") and he instructed me to call verizon and tell them to give him back the old number and then he wanted them to call him on his cell phone. Sooooooo........ I did no such thing. However, when he asked me about it Saturday during the move I said, "Didn't they call you? They said they would call you.... I'll call them monday" HA HA

So.... we come to this evening.

Tonight he called to remind me to call verizon, remind me to return the EZ Pass, remind me to return the spare car keys and house keys... and he asked to speak to the kids. He sounded sad and I am starting to feel sorry for him. I couldn't imagine it... but then... but then... I have this blog. THIS is his M.O. He is NOT going to drive to the new house to see the kids... he is going to try to get me to drive to the old house to pick up the boxes that he packed up after we left. Well.... I have decided to ask him to mail them. You know, UPS. Honestly, there isn't ANYTHING that I have to have.

For as much as I laugh at slagboy... I still feel very sorry for him. His act as a bumbling bafoon ... no that's not a great description... how about.... His role as Master of Alternate Unconnected Universe and Speaker of Truth that changes reality, is a heavy burden to carry. It must get tiresome to be constantly creating a reality that is liveable. Constantly adjusting and reevaluating what is going to get you to the bar fastest! .. ok... ok...

Here's what I think. I think he will come see the kids. He has GOT to be curious. He has told everyone that would listen that we live in a 600K house... he probably expecting a butler and live-in nanny... I think it would help him come to grips with the situation if he saw our house. It's certainly nice... but it's not a 600K house. Once he sees the house... he will tell everyone that, "It's a crapper" and start telling everyone how stupid I was to leave him and the "castle" he and his crew were going to build. BUT atleast if he sees our new house and realizes that it's NOT a 600K then... he may not give me such a hard time about the child support and stuff.

We shall see.

The kids are all healthy. They are adjusting well... I hope. Life is good.

LIVE SLAG FREE

Have a great day!

STELLA!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-14T11:24:00.001-05:00

Me again, M. Colkins, guest blogger, keeping the masses updated. Well, an interesting evening was had by our out-of-communicado hostess. She was innundated with phone calls from Slag inquring as to items missing from his now-nearly-empty nest. She advised that they had AGREED to everything she had taken and it became clear to her after several of these irritating phone calls that he in fact was drunk (shocker I know) and pestering the daylights out of her. One such call was an inquiry about a t.v. she had taken. Annoying but tolerable. And then folks it got good. The last of which went something like this:

Slag: You took my sauce?

(Now, I have to interject here and tell you that when our friend was recreating this call for me, I thought she said "saw", but was then informed that in fact Slaggy was complaining about "sauce"). O.k., sorry for that - but I had to clear that up.

Slag-Free Friend: your what?
Slag: WHAT ARE YA TAKIN????????? (in full On The Waterfront Marlon Brando-esq bravado - hence the title of the post)
Slag-Free Friend: Your sauce (which she explained was CANS of tomato product and not actual SAUCE) is under the kitchen cabinet.
Slag: Oh! (click).

Yes friends, it doesn't get funnier than this. Its really getting good now. So, a few calls later, he wanted to know why our friend had left a couple of pictures behind of Slag with his kids. This conversation went something like this:

Slag: What did you leave those pictures for?
Slag-Free Friend: I thought you might like some pictures of the kids with you?
Slag: Oh no, take it all. This chapter is over.

That's not so funny, I'm aware. Instead, its incredibly sad. But, its nearing the end for the good of all.

Have a wonderful day. I will try my best to keep you all updated as the slagness keeps rolling on.

Update from the Nomads

2007-06-13T11:00:00.000-05:00

M. Colkins here, guest blogger. Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. Our host(ess)'s computer is packed up, so we won't be hearing from her again until she unpacks over the weekend and Verizon gets their fiber optic asses in gear (Monday allegedly) and hooks her back up. She's had the usual moving run ins with Verizon for which I'm sure they are world famous by now, but hopefully everything will fall into place by Monday-ish. She is headed back to the new house since her eldest daughter has just completed her last day in Kindergarten! Congrats to her. She will be staying in the new mansion until sometime early afternoon Friday and is reachable by cell only for any of you who need to contact her. I've been asked to keep you updated. The "old" house is pretty much packed up and everything is ready to go for Saturday. I myself will be making an appearance at the new house on Saturday early afternoon. Hope to see you guys there. And for everyone who is on the edge of their seats regardong the "corn pot". Its still there and still has the corn in it!! Yuck!!!! I find that startling and yet in a way its very apropro for the end of the slag way of life. He hasn't mentioned Father's Day at all to the kids, but I figure that's probably so he can go to his watering hole Sunday and gain all the sympathy in the land. It should go something like this:

Slag: She left me and took my kids to the new mansion and its Father's Day.
Drunk Patron Sitting Next to Slag: She's a biatch man.
Slag: Well, she'll be re-married in a year 'cause she has all the money in the world. You know she makes $700 an hour and has a trust fund.
Drunk Patron: Wow, why did you let her get away?
Slag: She left me man - she took my kids. I tried everything.
Drunk Patron: Wow, that sucks.
Slag: Now I have to get the crew in and remodel that house - should only take a day.

Have a great day and for God Sakes - LIVE SLAG FREE!!!

My 15 yr old nephew is wearing a slag boy T

2007-06-10T16:58:00.000-05:00

HA HA HA HA HA HA

I gave it to him on Saturday because he and my brother AMONG MANY VERY HARD WORKING PEOPLE, really busted their backs helping the kids and I getting moved. I actually, (am not proud, but will admit) that I didn't lift anything over 40 pounds the whole day... and I will also admit that there were MANY items over 40 pounds.

First of all... Most of you reading this entry... were there! Marvin Dimple Smith and Mary Marple Smith got to meet B the King. Those of you who will attend The Finale' will meet M. Colkins.... OH..... B the King.... I forgot to point out that you and JOJO B-man met at the shore house. She helped out by watching the kids.... remember?

Anyway, as Marvin Dimple said it was like a my space hookup! HA HA HA HA HA HA

AND so for the readers who were not able to attend, I invite you to come help on the 16th! HA HA HA I will give you a little run down of what occurred when Slag Boy returned home the following day. June 8th was his 42nd birthday. I took the kids to walmart, where they purchased him a whole slew of yucky looking fishing lures. I helped them wrap then, and helped them bake brownies and a layer cake. They ate dinner and sang happy birthday, then he took a shower and went out drinking. THANKFULLY, he did not return home on the 8th. He did in fact return home on the 9th... about 10:30am. (--oh, side note: There is a pot of water and about 6 huge pieces corn on the cob that he cooked for himself for his birthday dinner that he didn't finish... and the pot of water and corn are still on the stove. Since I cleaned up the table after their birthday meal, I refuse to clean up the corn... I'm NOT WASHING THAT POT--)

Comments I heard:

The tale end of... "It's going to be a completely different house... all redone"

My nephew asked him if he could help him carry something and they said, "Oh No, I put my time in.. "

I don't know how much more he said, I was trying to avoid speaking to him.

I do know that he did not call to speak to his kids between when we left on Saturday at 1:00pm and Sunday around 3:00 when we returned home. EVEN THOUGH he had promised to take my 5 year old fishing Saturday morning, then adjusted that (on my prompting when it was clear that he was going to go out drinking) to taking her fishing on Sunday... riiiigggghhhttttt.......

What he did say to me was..... "Are you going to take out that leaky garbage bag or just leave it there to ruin my house like everything else"

So, I double bagged the garbage rather than ask him why if he knew the bag was leaking he didn't clean it up before it "ruined" his house. NOPE. Tomorrow the kids and I will be going back to the new house (as it is referred to) and meet the Verizon man. Then we will have a phone.

I just mail merged my Christmas card list into a stamps.com address book... So I can send out change of address cards tomorrow and basically the the same piece of paper through my printer three times... but that is just a FLIP of the paper and I can walk away... rather than hand writing and buying stamps and blah blah blah Anyway, I am going to send slag boy's family the charge of address card and make it from the kids.

Let's see... OH YEAH...
Thanks!
I know it's not quite over yet.... and I know that a lot of people that helped this weekend are going to be helping next weekend, with a few new people... but I got to tell you... I absolutely could not have gotten 1/2 of what got done... without ALL of the help!
Marvin Dimple & Mary Marple Smith - Little C and McDuff - Marvin, the workhorse! Primed, painted a room for the girls AND unloaded the truck AND opened every painted shut window in the house AND replaced the locks.... I am sure there is more...
Muscles McGillicuty and his sons (-my apologies to J. My girls LOVE YOU and you play with them so nice. HUGE thanks to C. For all of the great help and advice (hee hee) I'm glad the washer didn't fall on you)
B the King and his CD with one song that my daughter played OVER and OVER and OVER again... she was disappointed that I "forgot" it at the new house... Thanks for not dropping the washer on my nephew.
JoJo B-Man & Boy-Toy Sti - JoJo watched the kids at the shore, which was great because they like to be right in the middle of everything... and that's not good when you are trying to load heavy appliances. AND Sti, I am so glad you showed up... I am sure that B the king and Muscles McGillicuty agree, having you there was a HUGE help!
S. Maddy's Son, of the New House detail.... The cooler of very cold drinks was AWESOME. Thanks for helping unload the truck... Don't worry, I know it was Marvin and B the King that removed the molding... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Well, it's been a long couple of days. You guys are the greatest! Your moral support, physical help and honest advice have really helped me get through this... and will continue to help me!

Have a great day!

Houston we may have a problem...

2007-06-06T18:58:00.001-05:00

First of all... I am pretty mad... I would say, fuming.... I will not be punctuating this entry (hmmmmm have I ever really punctuated -I ask myself as I lean on my elbow and massage my chin with my hand and look dreamily into the corner of my basement...)

Anyway... Slag boy returned form his 4 hours at the bar .... FIRST OF ALL, just before 8:00, which is good because it's an indication he will be going to work... and BAD because he is home drunk while I am awake and the kids are awake... and let me tell you, he must have worked himself up into quite a tizzy while he was drinking and weaving his current tale of woe...

He got out of his truck and 2 of the kids and I were outside talking to the neighbor (the other child was sleeping on the couch) He starts in with me RIGHTAWAY

HIM: Guess how much Manufacturers is going to charge me for car insurance
ME: I don't know (I look at him and notice that his face is pink with rage and his lips were pulled so tight over his lips faking a smile, it looked like a grimace)

HIM: $600.00 a year, for both cars.
ME: That's probably for 6 months or either that you didn't tell them that you drive one of the cars 50 miles one way.

HIM: No (GRIMACE) that is for the whole year
-----------------------------

He then asked if his sister had called me to schedule signing the quit claim on the deed, I told him I would see her tomorrow to sign it... I went into the basement to change a load of laundry and he followed and said, "So, you're buying a new washer and dryer?" I said, "Nope" He said, "Well you ain't taking this one, I'm still paying for it" Then he walked up the stairs mumbling about how I think I'm taking everyone thing and blah blah

That's what pissed me off.

So, I walked after him and told him (I stayed at the bottom of the stairs...because, well he was drunk... who knows) and I said, "I paid for 1/2 of that washer and dryer" He replied, "You didn't pay for shit, I bought everything"

Well. I dropped it because guess what. I'm not signing no freaking quit claim on the deed, until I have everything I want and need out of this house. End of story.

OH, I am sooooo mad! I took the hit for his business debt ($30K) and I took the hit for the additional $20K that he somehow accrued, I sold him the house for 300K (not the 350K that he was going to sell it to me) From Day 1, I have basically bit the bullet and taken the hit just to get this over and done without any animosity... and he.... he has the audacity to tell me that he paid for everything... OH... OH.... He said, "that washer and dryer is mine, because I'm still paying for it. I'll sell it to you if you want"

WHAT? He'll sell it to me if I want. Well, I'm sorry if he is still paying his credit card bills, after he refinanced the house and received enough money to pay off all of his outstanding debt as well as an additional 16K to do the renovations on the house (which have NOT been completed) but that's not MY problem, and certainly not my fault!

This my friends..... Do you know what this means.... This means... He is definitely getting a T-shirt laid on the bed... on the day that we leave for good!

Oh yeah, I am pissed. I hope his sister calls me nice and early to come over and sign that quit claim... because I'm not signing ANYTHING until I have everything out of the house!

Have a nice one!

Scheduled Departure

2007-06-05T14:52:00.000-05:00

Well. It's finally time.
I told slag boy.
He is digesting it little pieces. He asked me today if I had a move date yet. I told him, this weekend we will start moving things, and next weekend we will complete. He proceeded to advise me that I should just hire someone to take care of the move and get it done all in one day. (Apparently, he believes that I inherited the million dollars.. ha ha ha)

That was around 1:00 when he was getting up for the day.

Moments ago, 3:30pm, I saw him for the second time today and he said, "Which refrigerator are you taking?" Before I could answer... he answered for me, "The basement one right? The clean one? right?" I said, "Yup."

Then he proceeded to go on about how I have probably haven't cleaned the upstairs refrigerator since we moved in 7 years ago, and that I probably never even moved the thing before... It was at the moment a very zen thought occurred to me... and I will share it with you... in the unlikely event you are cornered by a slag boy or other individual attempting to berate you and your abilities or your self worth... it goes like this:

"Sticks and Stones blah blah blah, I don't care what you think ...loser"

Then take three nice deep cleansing breaths... and viola', you can continue on your way with a pleasant Hari Krishna kind of smile on your face...

That's not even all of it.... My neighbor just told me today, that she was outside when slag boy was outside having a smoke. My 5 year old happened to be out there too. My neighbor had borrowed our lawn mower and broke it (which means that the years of neglect finally caught up to it. ) Anyway, she saw Slag Boy and she apologized for breaking the part and said that she would buy him a new one. He said, "Don't worry about it, I won't need it anymore" Then my 5 year old piped up and said, "You know, that was my Mom's favorite mower. She is the one that does all of the work around here." I wasn't there, but my neighbor said that Slag Boy's face got really red like he was mad, and she changed the subject before he said something to my daughter. Funny eh?

OK...
Here's the schedule thus far... Marvin Dimple and I will be meeting on Thursday to change the locks on the house and scope out what needs to be painted, I may even have the paint in hand... AND Marvin has offered to commence painting on Friday. I was going to go too... but my five year old still has school and I'm afraid with the summer traffic back to my house at the shore that I won't make it to her bus stop in time to get her... of course, slag boy will probably be home! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Saturday, My bro Muscles McGilicuty and his two sons will be assisting in the first truck load of stuff, which will at least the refrigerator and the washer dryer. B the King, will also be in assisting in the move!

My thanks, in advance to EVERYONE...

Have a great day!

DONE! :)

2007-06-05T10:40:00.000-05:00

We are now the proud owners of a new home!

FINALLY!

Slag Boy just got up (yup. he didn't go to work today) My "almost 4 year old" said, "Hey Daddy we are moving and we are so happy!" and he just walked right by her.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Still waiting?

2007-06-05T10:30:00.000-05:00

me too.

However, good news! Bob in Dairy will be holding egg boxes for me... apparently, they are sturdy, clean... and they have handles!

Are you waiting to hear about the closing?

2007-06-05T10:16:00.000-05:00

Me too!

Keep EVERYTHING CROSSED

2007-06-05T05:57:00.000-05:00

Yes, today is the day!
The closing is scheduled for 11:00am this morning.... I will keep you posted. Expect to see a blog update sometime after 11:00 to confirm that the girls and I will be moving into our new home by the lake!

OH, I am sooo excited! Stressed, Anxious... and very excited!

Last night the kids and I went through the empty house. They loved it. I loved it. I can't wait. Did I mention it's a little scary! Scary and Exciting!

This evening, I will inform slag boy that we have closed on the house. That we will be moving the refrigerator and washer and dryer this weekend along with some non-essential furniture... and that we will be returning the following weekend for the rest of the stuff.

Hmmmmmmmmm I wonder how that will go! HA HA HA HA My guess, he will either make himself scarce or he will spend the time sleeping in his bed.

Gotta go get to the bus stop

Have a great day!

The New Slag Boy Lament

2007-06-04T07:16:00.001-05:00

Yes, folks... just when you thought it couldn't get any more ridiculous..... Just when you think to yourself "Now, I've hear it all" Stories of the drunken laments leak out of the bar like a clogged gutter... AND the story was relayed by one that believed it!

So, not only are you about to be entertained by yet another Slag Boy Reality warp... you have just had one of your most burning questions answered.... "Does anyone besides him believe the stuff he says?" YES.

So...because it's all about suspense, let me give you a little background. As you know, Slag Boy spends a great deal of time in the cool cave like surroundings of the local pub. AND since our house is not cool or cave like, The kids and I on the other hand were suffering from the heat and humidity over the last week. In fact, Slag Boy, called on his way home from work the other night day to find out if I had put the air conditioners in... By that time, I had in fact installed an air conditioner in the kids bedroom because.. well you know, my oldest child has asthma and my middle child is a prodigal whiner who in my own delirium had me convinced that he feet and hands no longer worked because of the heat and that she was in fact, melting. SO..... I put in one air conditioner.

M. Colkins (fearing for my sanity) offered the assistance of her boyfriend (and then checked with him) She told me (and it was true) that he and a friend would be happy to come over and install the other air conditioners so that the kids and I won't fry. He later clarified, that he won't do it if slag boy is sitting on the couch watching, because "I don't mind helping you and the kids, but I'll be damned if I'm going to take care of his family while he sits there and watches"

Sunday M. Colkins man had collected his friend for the errand.... He said to friend... hmmmm... we'll call him Rocky, He said, "Hey Rocky, if you've got a few minutes I want to run over and install some air conditioners for (insert my name)"

Rocky: "Hey I just saw "slag boy" at the local bar and he was crying"
M. Colkins Man (MCM): "really, what was he crying about now?"

Rocky: "He said that she bought a 600K house up north and that she inherited 1 million dollars from a trust fund."
MCM: "WHAT?"

Rocky: "Really man, it's true. He told me so, ask her."
MCM: "Let me get this straight, he said she inherited a million dollars"

Rocky: "Yup"
MCM: "But she's driving a used mini-van"

Rocky: "Yeah well, he said her parents are loaded and that he didn't know about all the money until it was too late. He swears she inherited a million dollars."
MCM: "OK Rocky, I know that's what he said, I also know it's not true."

--------------------------------------------------
I called MCM to let him know that although I appreciate the offer to install the rest of the air conditioners, I don't need them installed. Mostly because I will be bringing them to the new house... and he can help me by installing them at the new house (Keep your fingers crossed that we close tomorrow). I had just heard from M. Colkins about the whole... I'm a Millionaire story, so it didn't shock me when MCM said, "Oh Yeah, and by the way, it's going to cost you a $600.00 per unit. [laughing]" Then I hear Rocky in the background say, "Hey ask her if she wants to run away" HA HA HA

And so.... it is all starting to make sense.

Let's see.... In slag boy's world, I didn't want to stay married to him because I wanted to return to work, where I was going to be making $500 - $1000/hr as part owner of the family business. AND in addition to making that much money, I have also inherited a million dollars. The cost of the house estimated at 600K goes with his estimated cost of taxes as 15K.
Let's see... ah yes, I will be remarried within the year. Basically living the high life, while .... sob.... sob.... Slag boy is left to struggle. Working to keep his house and make the child support payments... OH... the HUMANITY!

Have a great day... I know I will!

Ahhh the little games we play

2007-06-02T14:33:00.000-05:00

I have started putting his laundry in a laundry basket........ instead of putting it in the dryer when it is done washing.

He torments me by telephone asking if I have put the AC units in

I have been filling and emptying the HUGE inflatable pool he got for the kids, since he will have to pay the water bill...

He interrupted the filling the pool today, so he could power wash 1/2 the house... (yes only half) and in the process "mistakenly" got me wet with the over spray

I found the deed he wanted.... and I'm not going to tell him

3 more days until the closing... I hope

Have a great one!

New Closing Date

2007-05-31T16:42:00.000-05:00

Well... The new closing date is Tuesday, June 5th. Perhaps the threat of involvement from Mickey the Chin, helped motivate the seller. OR perhaps the implied threat of additional expenses should the closes be delayed passed the "time is of the essence" deadline... either way, I had to change ALL of the utilities from being turned on, on June 1st... to commencing at a later date... MUCH later than June 5th. I'm not going to call them back until June 4th!

On the bright side, I just found out that my new house is handled by the Verizon Fiber Optic department......... which means......... I will experience..........TRUE QUAM! (Whatever that is... I don't care, that installation tech was kind of cute spewing out all that "three spectrums of light" crap, ok ok he was an actor.... I get it... it was a commercial......... a girl can dream right?) At the very least, I might be able to bundle my home phone, television and high speed internet for under $100.00.

I am ALL about looking onto the bright side. I was not having a good day today, MOSTLY because Slag Boy was home and decided that (are you sitting down) it is my responsibility to take my name off the deed of the house.

Last night, he started.

Slag: "Where is the Deed to the House?"
Me: "I don't know"

Slag: "Well I need it"
Me: "Maybe it's downstairs, I'll look next time I go downstairs"

15 minutes later, (neither one of us had moved)
Slag: "Did you find the Deed yet?"
Me: (not even looking up) "I haven't moved since the last time you asked me, so NO, I did not find the deed"
Slag: "Well I need it"
Me: "Well, I'll look for it, when I go downstairs. Why do you need it, did you sell the house"
Slag: "Yup"
Me: (foolishly getting sucked in) "Really? How much?"
Slag: "450"
Me: shocked pause.... then..."Who did you sell it to?"
Slag: "No one, I didn't sell it. I think I might stay"

ANYWAY that was yesterday, TODAY not only is he demanding that I locate the Deed, but that I write a letter asking to have my name removed from the Deed and to acknowledge that he paid me 25K to buy out the house. Well, I turned to him and said, "Look, I'm not writing any letters but I'd be happy to review a letter from your attorney"

OK... I know it's not much, but it's something.

Anyway, He is roaming around behind me... So, I'd better say, Good bye!

You may have noticed that the Count Down is Gone

2007-05-31T07:58:00.000-05:00

Did I just hear a collective "huh oh"

Well, my understanding is that the Sellers can't close this Friday and... don't know when they will be able to close.

Not to worry, they will be getting a 'Time is of the essence letter" which will hopefully compel them to stop F'ing around... I'm sorry. That just slipped out.

I am trying not to think about the deadline, the house, the fact that ONCE AGAIN slag boy has not gone to work. let's see..... it's Thursday... and yesterday was the only day this week he worked. HOW CAN HE KEEP HIS JOB?

I think he is going a little looney too! He tried to tell me that he sold the house for 450K and that he needed the deed to the house so that he could sell it. Then a little later, he admitted that the hadn't sold it and that he may keep it for a while. rrrriiiggghhhttttttt

Not my problem.

My problem is the house that we are supposed to be buying... isn't.... buyable!

But still... it's not like this date snuck up on the seller...

Oh well.

I have to get to work.

Have a great day!
I know, I know, keep my chin up... it is rare to have a smooth closing...

Motley Crue? How about Nada Crew

2007-05-29T05:22:00.000-05:00

That's right, no crew. Of course he didn't have a crew come in and do any work. AND as an added bonus.... He doesn't appear to be going to work today. It's 6:23am.... and he is still sleeping in bed.

JOJO B-Man thinks that he has started really hanging around so much because he wants to make sure we don't just leave or whatever. He is staying home to make sure we don't take things. I don't know why he is home... I just wish he wasn't!

AS you can see from the count down clock... only a couple more days... Actually, this past weekend "Memorial Day 2007" will be the last weekend that we will have to stay in this house. Provided the closing goes off without a hitch... the girls and I will be staying at the new house this weekend ... and then after June 13th (The last day of school) for ever more!

---------------------
That's it.
I am too excited to go over the Slagisms of the weekend... I believe I already gave you my pre-memorial day interactions and then some....

I have an unrelated comment:

I just watched an episode of T.V. news. (Yes, an episode like a sitcom) It was sooo ridiculous. There are things so important happening in the world that it hurts my brain and my heart to think about them... (especially me, since I can tear up at a particularly poignant Hallmark commercial) but the news.... the news.... is just silly. They should just present it with puppets and the kids and I can watch it.

The big story is how the Governor may be raising the tax on gas. Apparently (if I can believe Ernie and Bert) it is has been 20 years since the State has raised the tax on gas. The proposed tax hike is one proposal for raising additional money for road maintenance and other things.... You are smart people, you know where I am going with this.... I have a great idea of how to raise money... stop wasting money employing people that don't work.

Can you imagine --- Sit back.... close your eyes.... Pretend you work for a huge company. A company that has absolutely no interest in making a profit. Picture how your day will go. You will be able to read, not 1 but 2 newspapers back to back. Coffee breaks, Lunch Breaks, no measure for your productiveness. AND seemingly limitless vacations, personal days, holidays..
You biggest challenge.... nay, your only challenge is actually getting to work.

oh

Have a great day!

More Baby Names:
Heathcliff
Romeo
Parson
Alexander
Russell
Artemus
Ward

OH GIVE ME STRENGTH

2007-05-26T09:08:00.000-05:00

Diaper Boy (that's slag boy in his tighty whities) Awoke and cooked himself 4 eggs around 9:30am... He listened to the kids arguing and crying and did nothing. When I broke up the fight and sent someone to their room to calm down he said, "You have been getting a little loud lately, is the pressure getting to you?"

I had to leave the room... because I almost said it.... I almost said, "That's what parents do, they discipline their children. Sometimes it gets loud, usually it doesn't. And as to "getting to me" the only thing that is really getting to me is your fat lazy ass and your constant negative comments. "

Jerk

Of course, he didn't take the kids to Pizza Hut last night.

Slag Boy: "Oh no, I can't take them tonight, it's too much in one night"
Me: "What? Too much of what?"

Slag Boy: "Too Much stuff, I worked all day, then spent all that time driving to and from work. It's too much"
Me: - stunned silence -

Slag Boy: "I'll take them tomorrow "
Me: "What time are you taking them to the boardwalk?"
Slag Boy: "10:00am"

Now it's 10:13am. The kids have been up since 5:30, in fact, by 8:00 we had been to Walmart and back... Anyway, the kids have been in their bathing suits waiting for Slag Boy to take them to the pool (there is a pool opening at his fathers retirement community today, kids swim between 11:00 - 1:00) He is warming up to not taking them anywhere by laying the ground work of a "sick stomach". My 5 year old has already said that "Daddy has a sick stomach, we have to leave him alone" --COULDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE 4 EGGS AND ENGLISH MUFFINS HE JUST ATE--

This is going to be a L O N G weekend!

Enjoy your day!

Memorial day warm ups

2007-05-25T04:54:00.001-05:00

Good Morning all!

Today is Friday! I'm so excited! (an excerpt of the Friday Dance)

In 7 days... we will be closing on our new house! AND...... now that I have 2 new aero beds... we will ABSOLUTELY be sleeping there over the weekend. I have already contacted all of the utilities so there should be service. OH... I can't wait!

If yesterday evening is what this weekend is going to be like... The move really can't happen soon enough.

Slag boy returned home around 7:30pm (Good news and bad news... Good news, because it's a good indication that he will be working the following day... bad news, because the kids and Iwere still awake when he hauled his drunk self into the house)

First, he commenced feeding the kids every sweet in the refrigerator. And amid the sugar fest I heard the following:

Kids: "Where are we going daddy?"
SB " Everywhere, we are going everywhere this weekend. I am going to take you to the boardwalk, swimming in the ocean, we are going to barbacue and picnic and have a great time"
Kids: "really?"
SB "That's right, we are going to have a great time this weekend."

Now, I'm not usually a pessimist, I prefer to see the cup as half full .... but I seem to remember him saying something about "the crew" that was coming to redo the house.

So I said, "What are your plans for this weekend?" He repied, "Why?" I didn't really want to play this stupid game, but I didn't want to say "Well, you just promised the world to the kids and I remember you saying that you will be remodeling hte house this weekend" in front of the kids... because they are goign to be disappointed enough when he sleeps late Saturday to sleep off his hangover, then decides not to take them to the beach or anywhere... My bet is he will "have to go to work" for an "emergency"

Anyway, He said, "Why?" I said, "Just curious" and he says (are you sitting down) "Why don't you just play straight with me and tell me what you want to do?" -Yup, a little stunning- I replied, "I don't have any plans, I just wanted to know your plans" He said, "I'm not doing nuthin all weekend"

I sat through some more of his B.S. as he told the kids that he was going to take them to Pizza Hut tommorrow (really today) for dinner. --(That's a really good one, since he is NEVER home on friday) But I just sat there, taking it all in.... My 5 year old gets a Friday report card and is hoping to go to Chucky Cheese if she gets all "O's" (Outstanding), to which he replied (as if he were even going to be home) Pizza Hut, I'm taken you all the Pizza hut tommorrow.

So.... without trying to cause a fight, I said, "What time on Saturday are you taking the kids to the beach?" He said, "Why? [pause] Why don't you just tell me what you want to do?" I said, "I'm just curious what time you are going to take the kids, so I can make sure they are home." He looked at me, like I had three eyes (he must have already forgotten about taking the kids to the board walk and swimming... then replied, "Well, I don't know, it depends on the weather. And I was supposed to do a tile job, but the guy never got back to me. By the way, you and the kids are going to your sisters house on Monday right, because I have a crew coming on Monday"

Now the spin starts... Well, I told him that I didn't think we were going anywhere and that he would be home all weekend, especially since he promised so many fun things for the kids. (hee hee -I couldn't help myself) He dropped it.

Moments pass.... he turns to me and says, "Why didn't you mow the lawn?" I answered the comment with silence. He said, "What no answer? You're not talking to me now".... JERK As it turns out, I do plan on cutting the grass in the backyard, where the kids and I will be spending ALOT of the weekend.... but I'm not telling Jerk Van Winkle that! OH I can't wait to be OUTTA HERE!

ONLY 7 MORE DAYS! This is a WONDERFUL countdown!

Here is my wish for myself and my children. Slag Boy goes to Atlantic City for the holiday weekend and returns Monday evening late. THAT is a memorial day plan that is worth celebrating! A more realistic alternative is... Him going otu Friday night, sleeping until 2:00 Saturday, then going out Saturday night, sleeping in Sunday... Going out Sunday and sleeping in Monday...

Have a great day!

Here are some more baby names:
Quentin
Rolland
Victor
Daan
Jack
Templar
Tristin
Rolphe
Rudolph
Charles - Chaz
Willem - Will
Cortney
Samson - Sam
Miguel
Alex
Milo
Warren - of Lawyers Guns and Money fame
Hey, first name: Warren... middle name... Peace (ha ha ha ha ha hah a)

OK, Have a great one!

New Moving T-Shirts

2007-05-24T07:47:00.000-05:00

I don't mean... moving as in brought to tears... I mean moving as in lifting heavy furniture... Tell me what you think.

Well, as you can clearly see from the Closing Count Down... there is just over a week until June 1st... when (if everything goes according to plan) we will finally have a house to move to. However, June 13Th,is the last day of school... so we will still be tied to the area until then.

Today.... Today is Thursday. Slag boy went to work yesterday and in fact returned home from work yesterday and went food shopping. Where he purchased more goodies than an Easter bunny on Quaaludes. (spelling? eh, never mind you get the idea) I took the kids to the allergist, and since they were all sooooo good, we went to McDonalds afterwards for dinner... there was a HUGE playground there... so we were at Micky D's until about 5:30.

When we arrived home, the kids were greeted with a mongo box of JUJU fruits... (you know the stuff... could pull a filling right out of your tooth) that was followed by several flavors of ice-cream and more.

I guess slag boy was trying to buy his way into their little hearts. Hey, what kid doesn't like some goodies, right? I'm not too worried though... They don't seem to miss him much when he isn't around... sad, but true.

So, I am taking bets on "the Crew"

Will it?

Won't it?

Will the kids and I be amid mounds of construction this memorial day weekend... or will it just be us 4...while slag boy is out carousing?

Shout out to Scout Smythe or Smythe, Smythe & Straight. Your t-shirt is coming. The kids and I stopped at JOJO B-man's office yesterday ... to see "the guys" and the puppy. it was good to see everyone.

OK, I have to get to work.

Have a great day!

LIVE SLAG FREE!

Author Author!

2007-05-23T13:31:00.001-05:00

O.k., this is my first guest blog, so I hope I do ok. I basically chimed in because I wanted to say thank you to my dear friend for her diligent blogging over the last few months. Not only have the stories been side-splittingly funny at times, but it has truly been interesting to watch her family morph into an independent unit ready to fly fly fly far away from Slagville, USA. I, fellow readers, am M. Colkins. I am a very close friend of our host Blogger and her 3 beautiful children. And today's entry is to say well done my dear. It hasn't been easy I know. To be certain a lesser woman may have caved under the pressure to stay with Slagboy for financial stability or for the sake of the kids - but I know in my heart - like I know my own name - that in 10 short days you're life will start to heal itself and it will become better with each passing day. To be certain you will have moments of doubt, angst, and regret, but what you will not have is.................the smell of stale salami permiating throughout your brand new house!!!! And that my friends is worth the price of admission. Think about the first day you don't have to have a nonsensical conversation with Slaggy. Think about never having to wonder if he's going to go to work EVER AGAIN. Think about NOT having to explain to your children that Daddy is sick (hungover). And most importantly, think about not having to TRANSLATE what he spews out to the little ones back into Slag so they can understand it.

Yes my dear - it is uncharted waters out there, but I tell ya - as one who comes from the same path - you will be loving your life in no time flat. So, go forth and prosper knowing that you've given all you could to this marriage and that it isn't you who failed. Its just hard being married to a Slag. Know that WE - your family, friends and supporters - recognize that you are a good - no great mother, a wonderful friend and a decent human being. You will go far - slagfree - and far!

P.S. Lets get that Slag-repellant book going - I think that's the big time.

I could have cried....

2007-05-23T06:54:00.000-05:00

Well my parents drove off into the early afternoon sun yesterday... sniff sniff... They packed up their 100 foot RV, hooked up their Jeep Wrangler... and .... sob.... sob.... left to go visit one of my other siblings..

OK, it's not a 100 foot RV, but it looked like it! It was easily as long as my house! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

So, it was sad to see them go... because it's been a while since I have had some adult....... witnessess. It was nice to have someone else around that experienced the slagboyisms. Someone else to make me feel like I'm not insane and not over-reacting... sigh... It will be mostly over in a few short weeks. Perhaps that's what makes it the hardest.

Anyway, Just a couple more gems:

SlagBoy: Gazing out over the front lawn with grawss high enough for horses to graze, he turns to my father and says, "Well, [pause for hit of marlboro] I was going to mow the lawn, but the garbage bags are in the way"
Dad: -stunned silence-

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SlagBoy: proudly surveying his house ... puffs out his chest and tells my mother, "I have a crew coming in this weekend. One weekend and it will be a new house"
Mom: -chews the inside of her cheek so as not to make an inappropriate comment-

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M. Colkins and I were talking last night about SlagBoy... The Book. Mostly we were thinking of it as a funny self help guide.... Any suggestions on organizing the layout? I think we could put the thing together, but I might need some editorial guidance.

M Colkins had a slag encounter... not with my slagboy, but with her own... and for a brief moment, we wondered if they were the same person! HA HA HA Here's the story as I remember it....
slagboy2 ("SB2") was supposed to do some landscaping for M. Colkins yesterday early evening. Just to let you know, M. Colkins owns a lovely home with a postage stamp size yard... so when we say landscaping we are talking 30 minutes tops...
SB2 fails to show at the appointed time... and calls later to announce he will arrive... later.. M. Colkins calculates the daylight left for the 30 minute job and says, ok... there is still enough daylight if you come at that time... HOWEVER, with SB2 arrives a full 1 hour after his ETA per his phone call... there is no way the lawn can be fertilized and the mulch put down.... AND he is inebriated (which if he come earlier STILL would have been ok... because let's face it... we're not building a rocket) however, at the late hour, the chore was not going to get handled.

All of this infuriating M. Colkins... NOT because he was inebriated, but because he specifically told her NOT to do the fertilizing or mulching herself, she needed a trained professional... him.
He was mad because in his "state" he thought she as yelling at him because he was wasted... she was mad because... well, you know why. To ice the cake, SB2, walked out to his truck, took a handful of fertilizer and tossed it onto the lawn... then walked in and went to bed.

--one moment wilst I dip into www.Thesaurus.com to properly illustrate my friends anger.... hmmmmmmmm which word to choose...... Aw heck, I'll let you pick
affronted, annoyed, antagonized, bitter, chafed, choleric, convulsed, cross, displeased, enraged, exacerbated, exasperated, ferocious, fierce, fiery, fuming, furious, galled, hateful, heated, hot, huffy, ill-tempered, impassioned, incensed, indignant, inflamed, infuriated, irascible, irate, ireful, irritable, irritated, maddened, nettled, offended, outraged, passionate, piqued, provoked, raging, resentful, riled, sore, splenetic, storming, sulky, sullen, tumultuous, turbulent, uptight, vexed, wrathful angry, animal, ape, awful, barbarous, bloodthirsty, blustery, boisterous, bold, brutal, brutish, cruel, cutthroat*, dangerous, enraged, fell, feral, ferocious, fiery, flipped*, frightening, furious, horrible, howling, impetuous, infuriated, intense, malevolent, malign, murderous, passionate, powerful, primitive, raging, raving, relentless, savage, stormy, strong, tempestuous, terrible, threatening, tigerish, truculent, tumultuous, uncontrollable, untamed, vehement, venomous, vicious, violent, wild

OK OK
Enough! You get the idea. AND THAT, my friends, family and unacquinted readers is why M. Colkins is absolutely qualified to be co-author!

Well, that's it. Today is Wednesday... Let's see.... Slaggy went out last night and now that the warm weather is finally here, I am guessing he will be going out almost every night. YIPPEEE

ALSO, there is supposed to be a "crew" coming to work on the house this weekend. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH AHA HA HA HA HA M. Colkins chided me, when I told her I might need somewhere to go this weekend to get away from the construction! HA HA HA HA HA

OK, I have to get to work.
Have a great day!

LIVE SLAG FREE!

Go get your coffee... This one is a doozy

2007-05-21T05:12:00.000-05:00

Good Morning Friends. This weekend was a cornicopia of friends, family and slagisms.

For those in the know, you will know that I was going to attempt my second garage sale. I actually made $210.00 over the course of Saturday and Sunday, which isn't too shabby considering there wasn't much over $1.00, ok.... the 10 man tent I sold for $75.00 was helpful in breaking the 200 mark.. Anyway.... where to start... where to start... I guess at the risk of leaving anything out... I will have to start at the beginning.

Slagboy and My Dad
My parents are in the process of traveling cross country from their winter home in Arizona to their summer digs in Maine. They travel in style in a 2007 incredibly big Motor Coach... it is only slightly shorter then a school bus... and has 4 pop-outs which, when it's set up, makes it as wide as my livingroom.

My parents part their motor home in the driveway and basically live there... visiting us "next door" at their convenience. This trip, they planned to help me with the yard sale. It pretty funny, my daddy was helping me set everything up and he kept chiding me ..."You'd better go put up those signs, or you won't get any customers".. I in turn told him, "Don't worry... I don't want to put them up too early" --He obviously didn't understand... because he then offered to go put them up... you know, kind of bugging me... So, I finally said, "OK, you finish setting up and I will go put up the signs"

Well, I only put up 4 signs. One each at the top and bottom of my street and one each at the two entrances off the main road... took about 4 minutes. There were 2 customers before I even got back from putting up the signs... I hate to tell ya I told you so... ANYWAY, Saturday was fairly uneventful, Slagboy went out Friday night until after 2:00, then slept until about 2:30 Saturday afternoon. He explained to my father (and anyone that would listen) that he was catching up on sleep because of the Vegas Trip. (Over hearing him tell this to my father, I listened carefully to the rest)
My Dad: "...Let's see, you returned Friday morning and slept all day, you are still so tired you slept all day Saturday?"
SlagBoy, "They pump pure oxygen in those casinos, you never sleep. Pure Oxygen!"
My Dad: "... oh"

Later that Day.......
Dad: "So what are your plans?"
SlagBoy: "Well, I'm going to fix up the house. I have a crew coming in. I'm going to fix up the house and sell it"
Dad: "Then what are you going to do, stay with your Dad for a while?"
Slagboy: "What? me? no, I don't want to be a nurse. He wants a nurse."
Dad: "Oh, what are you asking for the house?"
Slagboy: "350 and not a penny less"
Dad: "What are you going to fix up"
Slagboy: "As soon as they (meaning the kids and me) move out, I have a crew coming in to fix everything up." pause for a toke on the marlboro, "Yeah, it will take about a day"
-pause-
Dad: "Well, if it was only going to take a day, why didn't you do it earlier?"

--wait for it...... wait for it..... wait for it--

Slag Boy: "I was never had the right motivation"
Dad: "Well, that's pretty sad."

OH MY FRIENDS>>> It just keeps getting better and better

Around 10:00 I had this conversation with slagboy

Me: "What do you want to do about preschool, do you want me to come up with three quotes and you can pick which one you want?"
Slagboy: "Well, whatever is cheaper"
Me: "Well, it looks like they run about $800.00 a month for both kids, so if we split that it will only be $400.00 each a month"
SlagBoy: "Keep dreaming, you are better off getting a Mexican to take care of them at home"

---yup.... he said it... it was truly an amazing sight and an assault to my senses on many levels.....

Me: "Whatever, I will go visit some preschools and I will let you know"

BUT THEN HE CONTINUED: (I was trying to walk away... trying... actually doing it when he sucked me in with his stupidity)

Slagboy: "They don't need preschool, you will be paying 14K a year in taxes, let the school system teach them"
Me: "14K? What are you talking about?"
Slagboy: "That's what you are going to be paying in taxes a year, 14K anything in that area is going to cost well over 14K"

Me: --walking away--

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The following conversation was relayed to me by JOJO B-man who assisted in the Garage Sale:

JOJO: "So, what are your plans?"
SlagBoy: "Well, I might move to Vegas"

JOJO: "What? What about the kids?"
SlagBoy: "They are going to be 2 1/2 hours away, I'm not going to see them anyway"

JOJO: "You wouldn't drive 2 1/2 hours to see your kids"
SlagBoy: "It don't matter, they will be getting the checks. Don't matter where I move, the money will keep coming"

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Several people came to see the house (as slag boy had put the house for sale signs out...AND I had brought a lot of traffic to the house with the garage sale, there were a number of inquiries on Saturday and then like 4 people showed up on Sunday to look)

Anyway, I was in the living room when he told someone the following

Unsuspecting Home Shopper (UHS1): "How many bedrooms?"
Slag Boy: "3 bedrooms, 2 full baths"

My coffee almost came out my nose.....

He continued..."I am going to redo the whole upstairs, no doors, new molding... I have a crew coming in next weekend we are going to finish it all up next weekend"

--I started heading for the door... I couldn't take much more, but I heard --

UHS1: "Well, I am looking for something that I can remodel"
Slag Boy: "I'm going to do the work. I have all the material, Its going to be done next weekend."

--I walked next door... and waited until that UHS left the house. I couldn't take much more... Once the coast was clear, I reentered the house (which I might add was FILLED TO THE BRIM with my peeps.... ALL WITNESSES! --My mom, my dad, my sister, my three kids, her 1 1/2 kids... and JOJOb-man)

He walked up to me and said, "Well she offered me 325K as is. I told her no way, 350K whether I do the work or not. She said she would think about it."

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Ring Ring Ring Ring(slagboy's phone was ringing off the hook)

"Yeah, 350"

"Full basement.... 3 bedrooms... 2 full baths... all hardwood floors... new roof, new windows, yeah... you bring the money, and I will sell you the house. uh huh, I'll be home all day, stop over anytime."

UHS2: "Hi, is Brian home?"
Me: "no"

UHS2: "Well, he said to stop by anytime he would be home all day"
Me: "I don't know where he is, are you here to see the house? I'd be happy to show it to you, but I haven't cleaned anything, and I have company... if you don't mind the mess, I guess you can take a look"

And so it went. I showed these poor people my trashed house, with boxes, toys, laundry and slag boys dark stinky salami room...

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Comments from my Mother: "How can he out and out lie?"

"Doesn't he realize that people will know he is lying as soon as they see the house?"

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There is more.... oh so much more.... I just can't bare to write it all down in one sitting. I need to let the whole thing sink in. The fact that he is telling people that we are moving 2 1/2 hours away... and in fact, we are moving 1 hour and 15 minutes away from this house... and 50 minutes away from his work.

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Oh Yeah, he took my 5 year old to the store to buy sneakers... because she said she needed some. (duh) Then he came home with a HUGE bag of clothing for her and the other two kids. NOTHING the 5 year old picked out for herself fits, it's too small. It's the wrong size, she was crying because she was so disappointed when she tried to wear something the following day... I woke up his slumbering butt and said, "Why didn't you call me before you picked out those clothes for her?" His reply. (are you sitting down) "She told me what size she was and she picked out the clothes"

DUH

I said, "Yes, well she is 5... strike that... almost 6. Perhaps you should not rely on your 6 year old too much to make the important decisions. You could have checked with me"

Yeah, it was a great weekend.

Thank GOODNESS my parents were here... and my sister, it made it sooooooo much more bearable having other people around. It proves I'm not over-reacting, that I'm not crazy and imagining this crap.

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Shout out to Idaho! Thanks for checking in....

Have a great day... I gotta get to work!